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Who Deserves to Be Here?


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#1 Guest__*

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Posted 18 July 2001 - 03:30 AM

Mistral,

WELL PUT. YOU HAVE MADE A LOT OF PEOPLE MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE BY SPELLING IT OUT SO PLAIN. THANK YOU.

Mother


#2 Guest__*

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Posted 19 August 2001 - 08:22 AM

thanks *snifles* I'm so glad that you care enough to post this... thanks again

#3 Guest_Yeowly_*

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Posted 08 August 2002 - 01:25 PM

Thank you for the awesome post- I think you are right though- I think all of us question our degree of assault.  It's one of those things that like the questions "did I fight hard enough?" or "why didn't I fight" or "why didn't I go to the police?" etc.  I get so sick of questioning myself= but still I continue to do it.  This is great affirmation that we are all important, our experiences do matter, and that we are ALL valuable- thank you!!
Kelly

#4 Guest__*

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Posted 28 October 2002 - 04:09 PM

Hey all.  I am brand new here and for whatever reason i cant access a lot of the forums.  First of all, i am a 27 year old male.  From the ages of 6-14  I was sexually abused by an older relative, someone whom I though of as the big brother I never had.  Years ago I told my mother what happened but begged her not to say or do anything because i felt humiliated. after all men arent supposed to be helpless right?  I came to realize years later that it wasnt a situation of being helpless it was about being taken advantage of by somone whom you had no power against.  Anyway, I have never spoken with anyone else who was sexually assaulted in any way and I would like to tell my story in full.  I guess once i gain access to that web page.  There is a lot I dont know and I dont understand.  I am still too humiliated to talk about this with anyone I know so I am reaching out to you all for some help I guess. I think my email should be on here if anyone would like to talk and help me out.  I also will be coming back here regularly.  I replied to this post becasue I wondered if a man had any place here and I am truly glad to see that this could possibly be a home for me.  Thank you all for your time, Scott

#5 Guest__*

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Posted 19 November 2002 - 11:06 AM

Hello, my name is Shane and I am new to all this.

I guess you could say that my parents were overly protective. They never let us watch the news or read the newspaper. My dad always said that their were so many bad things in the world and that they never wanted us to experience them.

That all changed recently. Trying to heal has been difficult for everyone. My parents have said that they could never forgive themselves because they let one of their sons down and weren't there.

It isn't a rosy world and I am saddened for anyone that has ever been hurt, but it is nice to come to a place where you feel like you belong.

(Edited by Shane at 1:38 pm on Nov. 19, 2002)


#6 Guest__*

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Posted 08 February 2003 - 04:58 AM

*Had to revisit this post today*
So everyone gets to revisit it with me :)

#7 Guest__*

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Posted 07 July 2001 - 03:09 PM

*T* for those words.

I see so many people questioning Do I Deserve to Be Here?  Let's settle this.

If someone has sexually assaulted you, you deserve to be here.  

If it was attempted rape, you deserve to be here.  

If it wasn't rape, if it was unwanted and inappropriate touching, you deserve to be here.

If you are a man who has been sexually assaulted, you deserve to be here.

If it happened ten or twenty or thirty years ago, you deserve to be here.

If it was incest, you deserve to be here.

If you barely remember it, you deserve to be here.

If you were sexually harrassed, you deserve to be here.

If you are someone who supports, you deserve to be here.

That's all there is to it.  

I've seen a few people who have the feelings that their rape was not a particularly "bad rape".  My rape was not a particularly violent rape I was only concious of being raped for about one second and when I realized I was being raped, my boyfriend handed my rapists ass to him.  My rapist was the only one who got hurt.  

It didn't make any difference to me.  I had still been raped.  It still hurt on the inside.  I deserve to be here.

The degree of the rape, abuse, assault doesn't matter.  We feel many of the same feelings.  And we all deserve to be here and to help and to be helped.

I think that everyone will agree with me, so I'll get off my soap box now.

Thanks for reading.

Mistral
Mistral is now Jes


#8 Guest_Fae Poetress_*

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Posted 08 July 2001 - 01:48 PM

thank you,
i wasn't certain if i deserved to be here, i mean i barely remember it, it was so long ago, and wasn't sure if it was quite rape, but thank you again, your words are so reassuring

#9 Monika

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Posted 18 July 2001 - 04:45 AM

Well said! ((applause))

And..since this came up in a different post, I thought I'd add another post (as someone else did a while back) to push it back up to the top :)

((Safe hugs to all)) Rain


#10 Guest__*

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Posted 18 August 2001 - 11:49 PM

#Moderation Mode

Moved here


#11 Guest__*

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Posted 28 November 2001 - 03:32 PM

As I registered, I wondered if I truly deserved to be here...thank you for showing us what it is to have a right to be somewhere.

#12 mouseisa

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Posted 02 June 2002 - 06:55 PM

Mistral (Jes),

Thank you for the post...  I've been here for almost a month and I'm finally, just in the last few days, beginning to feel ok about being here (nothing anyone did or anything, just my own insecurities).  Your post and trying out being in a chat room (two times now :) ) have helped me to feel better and reading and relating so much to what people say here at Pandy's have made me see I do belong here.

Thanks again...

Mouseisa


#13 Guest_golden lady_*

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Posted 01 September 2002 - 09:24 PM

Sometimes I find myself wondering if my abuse really was bad enough for me to be here. I'm glad I found this post, and am replying to boost it up yet again.

golden lady


#14 Louise

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Posted 18 September 2002 - 03:03 PM

Hi and welcome (((((((It'smeagain)))))))))

What a stupid and horrifying response that was for you to get from your minister. I recall hearing something similar from a lady I went to church with at the time of my own rape.
I can assure you you won't get that sort of ignorant rewounding nonsense here.

Hugs

Louise xxxxx


#15 SilentFlight

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Posted 12 November 2002 - 01:26 AM

Posting this a reply because I can't start a new thread.  Much to learn!

Hello all,
  I'm new here (I guess that's somewhat obvious)and posted a couple of replies and comments.  As I don't have access to the parts of the board where stories and such can be posted I'll give a brief and spoilered self-intro here.

  I am, unfortunatly not unusual in being a male survivor of r*pe and s*xual ab*use.  I'm now 36 and have been survivng for about five years.  From the time I was 14 until I was 31 I was mostly just existing.

  The ab*se started when I was seven and continued until we moved when I was 14.  The perpetrator was a neighbor, 15 years older than me, much larger and stronger than me.  He ab*sed me regularily for that period of time.

  Recovery is difficult, and full recovery may not be possible- that is I cannot ever regain the child and the person that was me... but that does not make things hopeless.  It is still possible to grow, and though I will never be 'who I might have been', I am at the point now where I 'am who I am', and have, for the first time in my life the hope of becoming 'who I WILL be'.  My life is slowly, but surely becoming mine.

  I, like many survivors, was very alone out here in the world.  Places like this forum have changed that.  From 14 to 31 I wanted just one person to understand.  Now I know that there are many who do.  *NEVER* underestimate what YOUR COURAGE in posting in this forum has done for so many of us.  You have helped make a connection, helped so many of us who were silenced with shame, embarrassment, fear and anger to find our voices, and to use them.  The inspiration is powerful, comforting, and healing.

  There is a form of music known as the Blues, a form I love.  The Blues are a lot like survival.  They have the right attitude.  No matter how bad it gets everything will work out in the end.  It's not music about the bad times and the sad times.  It's music about surviving them, making the best of what you have, and using that to make things better.  It's a recipe for making lemonade out of life's lemons, about 'making it through' and finding the good times.  

  We generally have two things in common: 1) We have survived the worst things that other people can do to us, and 2) We help each other with the best things that other people (to each other we are other people) can do for us.  We share our hurts and oddly comfort others by doing so.

  What was done to us has caused terrible damage and suffering, but it has done one other thing; it has made us aware of that suffering in others and caused us to reach out.  In all the damage and mayhem that our lives have become, these horrible events have also brought out the best in all of us.  Survival takes strength, and though so many here don't feel strong you are.  You made it this far.  You've read, and maybe you've posted.  You might look at others and wonder how they do it, how they survive and help each other.  I can tell you.  It's the same way you're doing it now.  You are stronger than you think.  You will introduce yourself when you are ready.  You will share your experiences when you are ready.  You will be comforted when you are ready.

  I keep a ready supply of hugs handy.  I don't give them out- they're much to precious, but I do lend them out with abandon.  Remeber though, I might need one of 'em back someday.

Be you. And be proud to be you.
Mike




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