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#1 Kate

Kate
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Posted 11 April 2011 - 03:37 AM

Hi everybody,

Pandy's has always been a community of fantastic support and hugs/dedications threads are a demonstration of just how supportive members here are. We really understand wanting to ask for support for a friend you know is struggling, or wanting to let somebody know publicly how much they have helped you, however we have to ask that posts asking for support on behalf of other members are not started on the board. This is a guideline we have had for several years now, but we felt it would be good to refresh everybody's memory a little bit!

While we appreciate that these threads are well-meaning, there have been concerns in the past that some members may feel left out or hurt if they don't get a thread posted for them and also that new members may get the impression that the board is cliquey. There are also worries that some members may not be comfortable having posts dedicated to them without their consent. Additionally, as survivors many of us have spent many years being silent, both about our past and our feelings. It is a really important skill for survivors to learn to ask for what they need from other people, whether that be hugs, support or more - it would be much more healing and empowering for that member to post a thread asking for help themselves, rather than you doing it for them. We really do understand that all of these threads are started with good intentions, but unfortunately what often happens is hurt feelings when other members who are also in a bad place don't get a thread started for them!

The focus of the board has always been to encourage members to learn to use their own voice to ask for the support that they feel they want and need. Please feel free to continue to reach out to people via PM or in response to posts that members start for themselves and post for yourself when you feel comfortable.

The Mods


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.