Forums

  1. Public Forums

    1. public: wonderful threads

      Meaningful healing threads representing a small portion of what is available on Pandora's Aquarium.

      7,451
      posts
    2. public: resources

      Hotlines, crisis centers, and other resources organized by location.

      582
      posts
    3. 138
      posts
  2. Administration

    1. 58
      posts
    2. public: questions, suggestions, concerns

      Get in touch with a board mod here and have questions answered by other members.

      6,738
      posts
  • Recent Posts

    • Dear Bex, I hope you're safe wherever you are right now.  As for your question, I think you know the answer.  You know this wasn't right.  You feel it wasn't right.  And it wasn't.  You never gave consent.  What kind of guy keeps going when his partner is not responsive - appears to be passed out?  This is one-sided sex, which is and can only ever be rape.  I'm so incredibly sorry this happened to you, and pray that find someone to talk to (counsellor?!).  This brings up (and sounds like it already has brought up) all sorts of emotions and thoughts that are NORMAL but need to be worked through.   You have found a fabulous resource in Pandys - posting on the Voice forum is a great place to talk to people.  I'm so sorry this happened to you and that your "friend"  is not supporting you through this.  Know more than anything that this was not your fault.  You are allowed to drink.  You are allowed to "mess around".  You didn't ask for this, nor deserve it.     WIshing you peace and healing.  You WILL get through this!!
    • One night I was hanging out with a friend and some of her friends and we were drinking. During the night she decided to invite a guy we had gone to school with. When he showed up he had shown interest in me and we were hanging out and holding hands and then my friend decided to go off to a bedroom with her boyfriend. At that point I had been drinking alot and I just wanted to go to bed so I walked to the room I was staying in and layer down. The guy had followed me to the room and layer down with me and I was into it at first we just messed around alittle and he took my pants off and I didn't think much of it and then he got on top of me and just stated going. I felt like I was in shock and I didn't know what to do so I acted like I had passed out but he just kept going. He finally got tired and stopped and fell asleep. I remember waking up and being cold but I was. Afraid to get up because I didn't want to wake him. I tried for 2 hours but every time I would slowly move away he would wake up and pull me closer. I finally got up and left my friends house in tears. After that my friend called me names and everything. It was my first time so I don't know what to think. I've played it over and over again in my head and I feel like the whole thing was my fault because I was stupid enough to drink!
    • What bad feelings do you experience? Are you dealing with anger, sadness, depression? Can you say why? I've improved a lot in the past year. I've definitely struggled with anger and frustration, with other people for not understanding, with the people who hurt me, and with myself for not dealing with the situation better. Sometimes I feel inert and hopeless because I feel there is no way forward. I feel very scared of the future.

      More importantly, what positive attributes and strengths do you bring with you as you cope with your experience? Are you a good communicator? Are you able to simply sit and feel your emotions? Can you ask for help when you need it? I don't usually bottle things up. Being too open about my problems can be a strain on my relationships and can even lead to further frustration. However, in the long run, I think it's for the best. I'm trying to learn how to not dump all my issues on other people but still know when to talk when I need to. I do generally ask for help when I need it. In that way, I am a survivor. I've had moments where I want to give up, but I'm the type of person who tends to form plans. These are plans to crawl out of whatever hole I'm in. Sometimes I go around in circles feeling confused and uncertain, but the desire to get better is a strength.

      In what positive ways do you deal with your emotions? Do you paint, draw, write or talk? It's really good to remind myself how far I've come. I like to listen to music. I colored in coloring books a lot, especially a few months after I was abused. I write in my journal. And I feel as though I've talked about things too much, though it has helped. I've written here and on tumblr, I've talked with friends and therapists.
    • I never felt really scared from a stranger but I guess it has to do with the fact that I assaulted from.family members and not so from strangers. O had the fear if being attacked from years and somedays I still have it but I can handle it. I was always ready to fight with anyone and trained myself to knives,guns..anything. In a way I dare to say that I always felt more sad about the fucker who would wanted to messed up with me cause I have so much anger and a use left me with a dark sadistic side.. I am not afraid of kill someone if my.life is in real danger as to be killed.
    • I'm working on figuring out my answer right now. What's helped me has been learning how to box, actually, I like knowing that I might be learning something to help me defend myself. But then I think, wait, I was assaulted by a close friend, I'd never in a million years have my guard up around him. Even if I had specific "anti-rape self defense" it would have happened, because I just wasn't in a state where I could have used it. I'm scared that a friend will do it again. My rapist had hella red flags with how he treated other girls in our friend group who I was also friends with, but I was rarely around to see these, and I've only noticed them in retrospect, so even though I feel 100% about my current friends, I don't feel safe.
  • Topics