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I'm so scared...

Posted by Parlophone , 12 August 2013 · 66 views

I told my mother a small snippet of what he did to me... then she asked me who he was and I clammed up. I was afraid. I don't know who he was or what he looked like, and even though I am not in that area anymore, I was afraid.

He told me that if I told anyone he would kill me... maybe that's what made me forget.

Then last night I had a nightmare. I was a doctor and I went to investigate a family. This man was sexually abusing his whole family and when I went to interview him, I don't know why, but I felt afraid. I saw his face and I felt so scared. He smiled at me in a scary way and told me he did nothing wrong while trying to rush me out of the house. Then he threatened me, saying that if I said he did anything wrong he'd harm me.

I didn't care though. I had to protect that family... so I told. Then I remember he came to my house and he tried to burn my house down. I wasn't hurt but still... it scared me.

Now I'm scared that I told my mommy what happened. I want to tell her more, but I'm scared because he threatened me... not only that, but what if my mommy starts to hate me after I tell? What if she feels disgusted by what I did? I didn't do it because I wanted to... but still, I feel so ashamed and dirty and violated...
When I told mommy that small snippet, she gave me a hug and let me cry... then later on, she told me that I should talk to my T. I bet she got sick by what I told her... She's mad at what he did to me, I know... she'll be mad at me too if she knows the nasty things I did to myself after he hurt me...

[I notice I went from sounding normal to sounding like a little girl... Please don't think I'm weird for that. I think my inner child is just wanting to speak.]

Source: I'm so scared...

Here for you Parlie, sending you positive energy

December 2014

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