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Socially Inept

Posted by TrueBlue , 14 November 2013 · 243 views

I want friends.  People to hang with, gab with, laugh with.  You know to do all those things that friends are suppose to do.  I can get so lonely at times because I miss companionship.  Sometimes, I cry over it.  In the dark, alone, I'll cry for something I never really had - companionship.
I watch shows like "How I met your mother" or "Big Bang Theory" and I feel so envious of those characters.  I love their relationships that they have with each other.  They may fight with each other, hurt each other, but they work it out and still have each other's backs.  They are there for each other.
I've never had that.  There were people that I talked to, but that is basically it.  When I would try, I would start to obsess about how I acted, was I being too needy?  Too boring?  Too domineering?  Too this, too that.  I think on some levels I sabatoged myself.  I became too concerned with how not to act, that I then started to act exactly how I didn't want to act.
Then, I have another thing....there are days I can't leave my home.  I have to fight my agoraphobia.  Sometimes I am victorious!  Sometimes I'm not.  I can't really explain it to some one who doesn't understand and who then thinks I'm being all needy and seeking attention.  And to add a bit of spice to that mix, I have OCD.  That is a every second battle that consists with continual dialogue of "You don't need to wash your hands that many time" "You don't have to use the bathroom that many times" "You don't have to...."  By the time I get done with all of that, the day is over and I am tired and the other person has already texted to say that something has come up and maybe next time.  Which of course means never.
It's ok, I accept it.  It is what it is.  To be honest, I often wonder how good a friend could I be?  Maybe I'm just not meant to have friends.  I geuss I can live with that.  I am now wondering if this social ineptness can leak online?  Oh well, like I said, it is what it is.
Today - I feel good.

I know we live far away, but I would love to be your friend. I feel the same things that you described above, especially the part about obsessing about how we act and then ending up acting that way. This is all new, but you have been a good friend to me here and although we can't necessarily hang out and do friend stuff...who knows someday...but you are definitely not socially inept in my opinion.

I really don't think you're socially inept at all. I struggle with similar things. I know how you mean when its hard to explain to others why some days are better than others, I ge t a stabbing pain when I watch programmes like that too. I feel so jealous but then miss what I haven't really had. If that makes any sense?! :butterfly:

 I can totally identify with watching tv shows and being jealous of the characters close friendships! The past few months, I've really struggled with going out and being social. Besides school, it's a stretch for me leave the house or hang out with my friends. I used to have a small, tight-knit group of friends before I broke down.

LoveJim =)  That sounds lovely to me =)


One.day - I understand totally what you mean!


Wildnfree - I remember having some friends, but they couldn't understand what I was going through and acted like I was being a drama queen.


This will sound probably not good....but it does feel good that others know exactly what I'm saying. It's a bit comforting to know I'm not alone. 

July 2016

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