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Grandma (TW: CSA, PA)

Posted by Clove45 , 17 July 2012 · 88 views

*sigh* I don't know why I resist talking about this so much. It's not as if I have any real reason to protect her. I guess I just feel bad because she's so old and she did do a lot for me. But it's not as if it's unfair. And it's not as if I'm not angry about it. I suppose I just had a lot going on at the time.

I said in my story that I spent a lot of time at my grandmother's during my childhood, and that's how I wound up experiencing CSA from her neighbor. I didn't talk about how she used to physically abuse me. But I started having nightmares about it and now I have to get it off my chest. I guess my subconscious doesn't think I'm done yet.

I always had a lot of chores when I was at her house. I'd have to get up early and mow the lawn, get the paper and the mail, basic yard work stuff, etc. She was kind of old school Irish and I think she grew up in the South (of the U.S.) so chores and housework were big on her priorities. And when we would get in trouble, we would get spanked on our bare asses. That's how it was. It usually wasn't really extreme, but sometimes it would get out of hand. On more than one occasion I was hit with a gigantic wooden spoon so badly I was bruised. I was also hit with a belt, wooden switch, and probably a few other things. I don't believe my parents are aware of the extent of the corporal punishment.

Anyway, there was one time, after I was abused by her neighbor, I went back to her house. I went into my bedroom and I was examining myself, I think I thought I was bleeding, and she walked in and found me looking at my genitals. I believe she thought I was masturbating. With my pants still down she grabbed me by the ear, sat down on the bed, and pulled me over her knee. She spanked me. Hard. After I'd been anally raped just a short time ago. The pain was excruciating. When she was really angry, she wouldn't stop until you stopped crying. I think at some point I just shut down and stopped.

I really don't know what to do with this memory.

Hi, I am Becky and your story really just touched me. I wish I knew how to help, but just wanted to say if you believe in God to pray about.
My gods have done a lot to help comfort me we I need them. Meditation does wonders for me when I can calm myself down enough.
Clove- My father believed in corporal punishment as well, and I was often spanked as a child. He used his hand on my bare skin, but no other tools, at least as much as I can remember. What does stand out though, was how excessively hard he would spank me, far beyond what would have been "acceptable" I would think...

I relate to your story quite alot Clove. My uncle was my main abuser, and he sodomized and raped me many times when I was a young child. I'm sorry that you have also experienced that terrible trauma, no one should ever go through that.

Sending you positive energy and hugs if okay. :hug:

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