Pandora's Aquarium: Ummmmm? - Pandora's Aquarium

Still feeling a little "off" everything is fine during the day but when everyone is asleep I feel completely alone I just wanna wake my bf up and lie in his arms until I either feel ok again or fall asleep. I hate this feeling so much because as far as I can see there is no direct cause for it. And I can't tell any one about it because its kinda stupid I feel like everyone thinks I'm strong and moving on wonderful but I'm not there yet and most definitely not as strong as people think I am or I wouldn't be lying in bed tormented in silence by nothing !!!!

I wish my bf would wake up and notice something's up but how can he when I don't even know what it is and even if I did I'm so good at pretending everything is fine I even fool myself a little. The worst part is if I could bring myself to admit it to him he would be there 100% but I can't so he can't. I feel like I can't breath right now and I want to cry for no reason at all but nothing is coming out :/

I get nervous when he moves incase he wakes up and notices something but at the same time like I said I really want him too !!!! I hope I sleep eventually tonight I can't continue like this or I'll crack up !!

Oh my aunt came down for a visit and the whole family was invited to my mothers but some how I was conveniently forgotten about only for my nana,who I visited only by chance today told me. I know it may seem silly but in all fairness every one else was told but me and dinner was made for them all except me. I know this sounds like a poor me moan but really it's a family get together I'm pretty sure I'm meant to be included in that but obviously I was mistaken BIG TIME !! Even when I got there nothing was said about it not being mentioned to me not was I made welcome in the kitchen with everyone I ended up in the sitting room with my dad feeling highly uncomfortable About being in my own parents house !!!!!!!!!