I am avoiding dealing with life, because I am on here.
Ditto. :(/> For many years I escaped my pain through books, through fantasies, through writing my own fiction - still do that, but also use the Internet. I get mad at myself because I'm avoiding doing things I enjoy doing. :rolleyes:/> But it's like... the longer I live in the "now", the more nervous I get. I'm not used to being "there". :eyebrow:/> I used to "zone out" if I couldn't read or something, so I ended up dissociated a lot - not completely gone, I never developed alterate personalities that separated off and shut me out, but not really all there, either.
I did use to have alternate personalities that I "put on" to cope with the world around me, where I was aware but still acting somehow, but after I got married (which was shortly after the most serious sexual assault I've dealt with as an adult), I had the opportunity to "hide", and I did so. Now I I'm learning how to reconnect with those personalities, but I'm not sure I should always resort to that anyhow - I need to learn to hang out with my kids as myself for a few hours a day, at least. :blink:/>
My husband has been giving me grief about my "addiction" to the computer for a couple of years now, but I finally told him it was a necessary coping mechanism and he recognizes that. Now, however, I think I need to start cutting back. I've worked through stuff to the point where I should be able to do that. I was doing better and then there were some family disasters and I started hiding on the computer again. It comes and it goes. *sigh*