Jump to content






Photo

cant

Posted by anji13 , 02 August 2012 · 45 views

i feel like i have to strong for every one else. not only to be the person they can talk to about everything, any time but also just put on this mask that i'm ok. there is so much going on for everyone else. some days i just accept the fact that i'm always going to be in the dark, alone watching every one live on with their lives. and i can barely wake up in the morning.
my soul is dying. its slowly slipping into this nothingness. i wait for the silence in the middle of the night and take out the things that make me feel numb. i've lost the battle with my SI and the ED's. and most days i dont even care.
no one ever sees the marks or scars so what's the point of trying to stop any more.
i sit in the black void, muted by my own selfish and disgusting mistakes.
yet if i told any one they'd criticize me for it.
why do i bother to stay strong on the outside for anyone? why do i feel this compulsion to be normal for them when they wont even try to understand when i do reach out?
:bawling: :tear:



You wont always be watching every one else, one day you will start to live again. I'm here with you.

The point in trying to stop with the scars, is that you are worth being healthy, and you dont deserve to feel the pain.

You are an amazing person. You are strong in other's presence when you yourself is hurting. Allthough thats an amazing trait you should see that it's your turn now. It may not seem this way but in the same way you are there for others and feel bad for other's, there are people out there that feel the same way about you, even if they dont know how to show it. Its taken me a long time to realize that people criticized my cutting because it scared them and because they were worried about me.


You will make it through this. I'm here if you ever need to talk.
first off i just want to thank you so very much for that. i think i've read it about ten times just trying to convince myself that what you wrote is true.
then i didnt know what to say because i cant see any good in myself any more and that just made me feel so ashamed.
but thank you for taking the time to write a response, it really meant a great deal to me.

first off i just want to thank you so very much for that. i think i've read it about ten times just trying to convince myself that what you wrote is true. then i didnt know what to say because i cant see any good in myself any more and that just made me feel so ashamed. but thank you for taking the time to write a response, it really meant a great deal to me.



Well one day you will realize it I promise. You are trying to be happy which is why its so hard, because your not just laying down and letting this stuff consume your life. The harder you fight the harder it will fight back.

You really shouldnt feel ashamed because what your going through is not your fault. It's not your responsibility to be worried about. You are doing the best you can and that's what counts.

Take good care of yourself your worth it.
anji13-

I'm so sorry you're in so much pain right now. Please don't hurt yourself though, you don't deserve that. And though I know you feel shrouded in darkness right now, eventually the darkness WILL fade away, leaving you in brilliant sunlight.

Don't be so hard on yourself for any mistakes you've made. We've ALL made mistakes, no one is perfect. And the fact that you are reaching out for help is a good thing, that takes courage.

Lighting a candle for you to help you see in the darkness, and sending you a hug if okay :hug:

October 2014

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
192021222324 25
262728293031 

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

  • Photo
    adrift
    Nevetuli - Mar 25 2013 04:59 AM
  • Photo
    powerless
    anji13 - Nov 09 2012 08:56 PM
  • Photo
    powerless
    Irishleo - Nov 06 2012 03:39 PM
  • Photo
    low day
    anji13 - Oct 21 2012 05:48 PM
  • Photo
    low day
    blondie2002 - Oct 19 2012 01:13 PM

Categories

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.