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So, after my struggle of letting her talk about the 16th, when I walked in today, she asked if I was ready to talk. I told her everything I remembered from that night, beginning to end...it was so hard...I just sat there shaking the whole time...
I asked her if I had PTSD as well, and she opened a book and we read through the symptoms...she said that yes, it could be possible that I have it...only thing that doesn't make sense is my continued hooking-up with him while I was still in denial (and not being repulsed by his touch, even though when we had sex he rarely ever touched me).
Then we talked about how much I would remember. She said most drugged survivors have trouble remembering anything at all, especially if I was scared or emotionally out of it. This makes me sad...I really wanted to remember.
We also talked about who to tell, and whether or not it really happened. She told me that most RT survivors will have this haunting memory/feeling over what took place and that that's their definite answer as to whether or not it took place, but I've never had that (at least, not yet), but she said if I feel like it happened, then I can at least have some peace of mind about what happened. I mean, all the signs of date **** lined up, and my PTSD symptoms as well, and you don't just have PTSD from a night where nothing happened.
Idk, she also told me to write my story down, read it over, and then bring it in to talk to her about. She said having it written down and rehearsed kind of, would make it easier to tell someone if the subject ever came up. Example-this Sunday at church is our all music service, I was supposed to play but because it's the 1 year anniversary, I declined. Well, I'll still be in church, and tons of people will ask me about it...I just wanted to be prepared...
When I described my flashback, she asked if I was clothed....I understand how that could have been a tremendous help in figuring out the way things went down, but I only saw him, leaning over me with his hand over my mouth. He didn't have a shirt on.
Anyways....any advice? Questions, comments? All appreciated. (:
I asked her if I had PTSD as well, and she opened a book and we read through the symptoms...she said that yes, it could be possible that I have it...only thing that doesn't make sense is my continued hooking-up with him while I was still in denial (and not being repulsed by his touch, even though when we had sex he rarely ever touched me).
Then we talked about how much I would remember. She said most drugged survivors have trouble remembering anything at all, especially if I was scared or emotionally out of it. This makes me sad...I really wanted to remember.
We also talked about who to tell, and whether or not it really happened. She told me that most RT survivors will have this haunting memory/feeling over what took place and that that's their definite answer as to whether or not it took place, but I've never had that (at least, not yet), but she said if I feel like it happened, then I can at least have some peace of mind about what happened. I mean, all the signs of date **** lined up, and my PTSD symptoms as well, and you don't just have PTSD from a night where nothing happened.
Idk, she also told me to write my story down, read it over, and then bring it in to talk to her about. She said having it written down and rehearsed kind of, would make it easier to tell someone if the subject ever came up. Example-this Sunday at church is our all music service, I was supposed to play but because it's the 1 year anniversary, I declined. Well, I'll still be in church, and tons of people will ask me about it...I just wanted to be prepared...
When I described my flashback, she asked if I was clothed....I understand how that could have been a tremendous help in figuring out the way things went down, but I only saw him, leaning over me with his hand over my mouth. He didn't have a shirt on.
Anyways....any advice? Questions, comments? All appreciated. (:
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