Ok, let's see, step by step: drugs. what drugs. drugs that will not let me heal. I'm on wrong/bad drugs. Drugs I shouldn't take. Breathe. Think. Analyze. Control your thoughts. There was something in one email. something about drugs. shit. Like the knife threat in Sydney. I've pushed it out of my mind. I tried to forget half of what happened, the other half I've been told to believe. There was no deal. There was a drunk guy saying I will kill you and them, see the photo, who is this, your nephews? How sweet... And there was more. more. more. more. more. more. more. more. more.
I'm missing something this time too. What? Where? Why? What? Where? Why? What? Where? Why? What? Where? Why?
What email. What drugs. Drugs to make me forget. To stop me. To control me. What drugs. Think. Use your brain (...bad joke) Not in my email. Whose email. Email sent to whom. when. why. what for. Went through all my texts and emails. "Forward this and the next email to her. It's important. You will forget, she will remember for you." Sent 18/05.
Who is she? What next email? Have I forwarded something to her? Where is this email. Must have deleted it. Does she have it? "Forward it to K." Who is K.? Is K. "she"?? Jesus will it ever stop? All the questions?
Ok, breathe, rule no.2 if you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging. I will find the answer. I will. Find. The answer.
Time to take a shower. Again. And again and again and again. Maybe this time without my clothes. I'm exhausted.