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I still slip and fall. Been getting sobbing a bit today. Especially just feeling frustrated and yes pissed off that I have to feel like this. I always try to just focus on me, but sometimes I cannot help but wonder why don't those TWO suffer and whatnot. Why do I have to feel exhausted, sad and shame and anxiety and not them. I know this is wrong but maybe I need to somehow let it out but F*** THOSE TWO SONS OF BIT****! I WISH THAT THEY WOULD SOMETIMES JUST DIE OR GO TO REHAB OR GO TO THEIR OWN LITTLE ISLAND AND STAY THERE AND ROT ROT ROT!
I am just so frustrated that I have to go to therapy and unable to honestly leave the house without feeling stressed out. I mean, maybe staying in so much is making me feel worse and whatnot but I stress over everything now. Especially with my mom giving me the whole "you have been on break and in the house for days" when first of all, it took A LOT FOR ME to tell her that I have been feeling stressed, overwhelmed and anxious these past few weeks. Plus, my mother is going away tomorrow for her birthday and I do not know if I should just take advantage and rest rest rest. I was supposed to have friends over but now reconsidering. Just need to "breathe" even though I do get a lot of "alone time" but I need more "alone time" where I do not have to worry when my mom is coming back home from work so I do not feel guilty yet again for staying in.
I am just so frustrated that I have to go to therapy and unable to honestly leave the house without feeling stressed out. I mean, maybe staying in so much is making me feel worse and whatnot but I stress over everything now. Especially with my mom giving me the whole "you have been on break and in the house for days" when first of all, it took A LOT FOR ME to tell her that I have been feeling stressed, overwhelmed and anxious these past few weeks. Plus, my mother is going away tomorrow for her birthday and I do not know if I should just take advantage and rest rest rest. I was supposed to have friends over but now reconsidering. Just need to "breathe" even though I do get a lot of "alone time" but I need more "alone time" where I do not have to worry when my mom is coming back home from work so I do not feel guilty yet again for staying in.
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