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Posted by mtma19 , 21 April 2011 · 155 views

words can never express the emptiness i have in my heart. my soul feels like it has been snatched from my core being. i dnt know who i am i dnt know why im here. ive gotten to the point where i dnt mentally emotionally or physically thts i can continue to care for ava. wat good am i to her?????? im absoutely no use for them.

i dnt know how much more hate a person can feel for one's self. i dnt feel human. ;'( i cry so much n even mutelating myself doesnt even work any more.

im just so numb. i dnt think i have ever felt so fucking low! my body is tired. its sore physically in in pain. my chest is tight every time i take a breath. im drained n im tired. im fucking tired. does he want me to kill myself? i think so! hes such a FUCKING ASSHOLE! I HATE HIM! i think he feels like if i kill myself it will be eaiser so he doesnt have to do it himself. most nights i think i should do him a favor n end all my pain n suffering.

i was onced asked if he were capable ok actually killing me?!? WRONG QUESTION! She should have asked if i were capable of killing him?!? ummmmm... yea probably. wondering wen its gonna happen next.

my mom only cares for her self. she proved tht 2 me yesterday. y should i care for her for them wen no one gives a damn about wat im going through. ugh...... i need help. i need to run away. like in the movies wherethey have no care in the world n leave wverything behind.... ok for now im dne

I am so sorry you feel the way you do. I di nit know your exact story... But I can tell you are hurting. I just read your earlier post about not letting "him" win. I have to remind myself when I get down that all hurting myself would do is let my abuser win. He already took so much from me. I will try my best not to let him even have another second of my thoughts. I hope things get better for you. Know that there are people who care for you. And more importantly, God cares for you. I will be praying for you.
Apr 21 2011 09:28 PM
Mtma19 I'm sorry that you're hurting. I know how you feel the pain can be overwhelming at times and you just want to say "Fuck it all!" but you know I start thinking why? Life can be so much better than this. Is it easy? no it takes a lot of work but it can get better. Then I start doing things like blasting music, reading a book, hiking, etc. Those little hobbies of mine sooth me and sometimes take most of that negativity away. What hobbies calm and sooth you? or better yet do you have a rape crises center you can call to vent your emotions to? Most have 24 hr. hotlines and you don't need to let them know who you are you can just vent and let your emotions out.

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