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Posted by Dollygirl , 13 February 2012 · 23 views

I just need to write, need to vent, rant, cry, scream. But I just can't seem to, so I'll write. I'm so scared, I'm always scared, of something or other. So many things I've learnt to fear. People. I fear people, because, I always look for the best in ever single person, even if the flaws are obvious. I thought everyone was good, everyone had goodness, everyone deserved a smile as I passed them in the street, maybe I was naive. But naivety was bliss, and I miss it. Now I know how much damage people can do, how much they can change your life, without you giving consent. I want to be naive again, I want to believe nobody would hurt people for no reason, that everyone is in reality good, but it isn't true. People, people can hurt you more than anything. Mentally, emotionally, physically. I've learnt to fear being alone. I don't sleep at night, in fear of being alone, I go clubbing from 10-5 so that I do t spend nighttime alone. I constantly surround myself with people, even when I'm at my lowest, so that I don't have to think about anything too hard, I've learnt to fear peoples opinions. I care what people think, I care what they think of me, even my friends, I want my life back, my naive, sleeping, confident self back. My happy self. I think he stole it forever. I want it back. I want it back. He doesn't deserve it and :'( I'm 17 now, I want it back, I want my life back, and my fears gone.

safe hugs
Hey, hang in there. We understand! Fear is a hard emotion.

It takes a lot of work with someone to talk to, to move past this. But you will move on.

I believe that there has to be something better.

Safe :hug: my friend. Take care!

October 2014

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