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Bad things come at night

Posted by AlanaM , 26 April 2013 · 67 views

It's amazing how as soon as my daughter goes down, I begin to think about horrible things. I become fixated on SA and spend hours writing poetry or stories having to do with it. I spend all day staying extra busy, but when night comes I immediately begin to think and mull over it for hours.

Night is a terrible time for me anyway. As soon as it gets dark, and especially if I'm by myself, I am immediately nervous and on guard. Realistically, I should know that no one is going to jump out of the darkness and grab me, but the feeling of being watched, or for someone to jump from the shadows ad grab me overwhelms me. All panic attacks or anxiety issues come at night. Flashbacks come at night. Nightmares (obviously) come at night. So it's safe to say I'm not a night person anymore.

A convoluted bonus: I am most creative when I am driven by fear and anxiety, but I wish I could write about other things. I wish I could write objectively about other topics of interest. However, my therapy is writing about what happened.

As I write this, the sun is going down, it's almost dark and the nervousness and anxiety are starting to kick in. I have no relationship with my mother and she never really was one to comfort me anyway (only in the superficial, someone is watching kind of way), but I really wish I could have a hug from a mom right now.

I am a mom and I am happy to give you some hugs hoping it helps you :hug: :hug: :hug:

Take good care of you!!!
Thank you bellachai! I needed some hugs :)

July 2016

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