Some things I want myself to know.
Dear not sherodon because that isnt your real name only the name you use on pandys,
Your support group does not make you as a survivor. Because they cannot handle supporting you in the way that you deserve, does not mean that you are being dramatic, or that your healing is taking to long, but only that they care about you to much in some cases, and are to self centered and ignorant in others, to be able to step it up and show you the support that you deserve.
You need to get a life!! Going through everything that you went through, not only for the past three years, but for all the time leading up to it, definately causes some distress. People say that you need to get over it, well if they want to be an example for you, then they can go through the horrible things that you did, and react better then you did, if they have so much to say about it. Thinkingg about this everyday, all day, is not healthy. It is an obsession. If only you went back to work and started on your psychology degree and got the fuck out of this house away from the crazy psycho woman, then maybe you would be able to live.
Every one isnt out to get you. Some people really just dont think. Sometimes they are just slightly inconsiderate, and have different priorites then you. Your priorities are loyalty and honesty, theirs are different and that's ok. Everyone doesnt have to be just like you for you to be there friend.
No one is looking at you. Every time you leave the house, you feel as if the world is watching. If the world was really watching, they would of scooped you up and seen you hurting, you wouldnt of had to tell because people would of already seen it.
You can mess up. So what if they talk shit. If only they knew how you felt about the things they do, then maybe they would be a little bit more nervous about what they had to say about other people's faults.
Being surrounded by fake people, is no better then being alone. Having no support at all is better then having people pushing you down.
You've come really far. The house is clean again, you dont sleep all day again, your enrolling in classes, you're so close to getting a job. You are healing, and you are healing well. You are on time.
You dont need that asshole kenny. Attention from a man is nice, but desperation is discusting. You arent like your mom. It's ok to be alone. Who gives a fuck if you dont find any one else. YOU CAN SAY NO TO HAVING SEX WITH OUT HIM IN YOUR LIFE. you wont get hit with out him in your life. He cant embarrass you at the movies by assaulting you in the back row. he wont humiliate you in restraunts by talking to you like a piece of dirt on the ground in front of everyone. None of that even matters, because you dont need him. All you need is God and your confidence.
Last but not least. You are beautiful. Your hair is beautiful. Your eyes are gorgeous. Your lips are so perfect and your smile lights up the room.
Dont change for any one because they sure as fuck arent changing for you.
Start singing again, start writing again, start drawing again, and start living again.
Dont get discouraged every day will only get harder. When their hatin gets to loud, turn the music up louder, when their lookin at you wrong, only shine brighter, make em squint a little more, and when you want to, then do it. Your never gonna have the chancee to clear your own path ever again, so dont live it by their rules. If the way they lived was right, they would be to happy to be able to send you all that negitivity.
You can do it!!
The happy you from the future!