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1.) I go to therapy for ME (Always hear that it takes A LOT of one to talk to a stranger)
2.) I will pursue all of my dreams, goals and aspirations for ME (even if NONE of my writings ever see daylight) but I will finish the novel and feature screenplay and any other stories that I love very much.
3.) It is OKAY sometimes to cry it out (Even though this gets me mad b/c I think, "These motherf*****!)
4.) Pray for those who have done harm to others (Although it is tough at times to do) to seek the help they need as well as turn to God to be forgiven by him and somehow forgive themselves as well.
5.) Stop worrying, stressing and getting anxious and FEAR about what CAN HAPPEN when it comes to the time to tell people what (especially my mom) had happened from the time I was about 6-14 years old with my brother, who YES has good in him b/c there were SOME good memories of him but that does NOT mean that his actions and words towards me can ever be "ignored."
6.) Stop wondering if I COULD lose loved ones (family and friends) by saying that I was being sexually abused by my brother. I always wonder if they or SOME will stop talking to me and EVEN SOMETIMES try to hurt me.
7.) To see that for some REASON THIS HAD HAPPENED AND IF IT WAS NOT GOING TO BE MY DAD AND BROTHER WHO WERE ABUSIVE TO ME FOR YEARS, IT WAS STILL GOING TO HAPPEN IN MY LIFE AND THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT. It hurts A LOT to still hear and even see fathers and daughters bond and sisters and brother bond b/c I know that I NEVER really had that. It was all lies, manipulation and abuse.
8.) Not feel guilty if yeah I tell people, those whom I even said to this before, that "I don't talk to them. They abused me." It is the truth. I do not need to prove SH**. Truth does come out.
9.) Talk to God more and more each day.
10.) Read the bible.
11.) Stop kicking my own a** so MUCH and give myself CREDIT MORE! I am very proud of myself that I continue to write even though that it is painful at times b/c I write stories very SIMILAR or EXACTLY like my life that deals with abuse.
12.) Live for the sake of myself.
13.) Accept my life and NEVER WISH FOR ANOTHER'S. I do not want to trade my life for anyone else's.
Something good that did come out of this-even though that this hurts to think about it-is that I have been writing from a young age and after all of the personal (dad and even brother and even mom) and professional rejection, I fight more for this.
I love writing. I NEVER want to give it up! Especially there are those times where I feel like that my life is a WASTE. I am SICK OF FEELING LIKE THIS B/C OF OTHER PEOPLE!
It is scary life; but I want to be able to help others one day!
I know that life has struggles but I just NEED to as cliche as it sounds, "Carry on." Because I am still learning and seeing that MY LIFE DID NOT END B/C OF THESE MOTHER*****! I get that everyone has a past, but I AM ALIVE FOR A REASON and NEED to start taking advantage of that by letting go of these people and knowing that I am NEVER Alone.