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Two weeks...and the nightmares continue

Posted by bfitz , 19 July 2013 · 87 views

It's been two weeks since I stopped off for an innocent massage to relax on the way home from doing psychotherapy all day. Little did I know that one hour would forever change my life. Physically, I am still healing from the damage he created, but the bruises are almost gone and the other injuries are slowly healing. Emotionally, I have worked so hard. I know, as a therapist, the importance of dealing with the trauma right away, but it still doesn't make it one bit easier. I have tried accupuncture, hypnotherapy, daily therapy with my psychiatrist, and everything in between. But my two biggest setbacks is that my work asked me to take 8 weeks off to heal. What an arbitrary number of weeks. Do you heal in 8 weeks? I know my priority is to protect my clients, but being taken away from all of them is just one more thing the rapist got to steal from me. And as a therapist, you can't tell your clients because the last thing you want is for them to feel the need to care for you or to bring up past traumas for them. So they are all writing and calling and asking what happened for me to leave so suddenly. I have had some cry that they can't think of going 8 weeks without me. It's so hard to not tell them why I'm out, but I just try and assure them they will be in great care with my fellow therapy team and I will be back soon. I also try to reinforce that we all need self-care, and maybe the lesson here is by seeing me take care of myself and my emotional health, it helps them know they deserve to do the same for themselves.

I was on pins and needles today because the rapist was scheduled for his video interview yesterday with the two detectives. They said he was looking forward to telling his side of the story (what side of the story??????). The owner of the Spa is an attorney so they shut down talking and cooperating so I was so happy that the suspect would submit to DNA which would seal the deal and we could get the DA to file the charges and move on. Then he didn't show. The detective called. The suspect got an attorney and "would not be making any statement, would not agree to DNA, and was no longer cooperating with law enforcement."

Now we await the evidence from the rape exam and the crime lab as they confiscated all of the Spa equipment they could. The Detective says we now require a judge to sign a search warrant, ordering the suspect to submit a DNA sample. From the photos from the night of the crime, the detective thinks an arrest will be imminent. I hope so. This is just one more nightmare. Truly, I worry more right now for my husband than for me. He faces terminal cancer and this has taken a toll on him that we can't afford. He worries so much about me and the injustice of it all is enough to push him over the edge.

So for the weekend, I've declared that we will escape. It is my husband's birthday. I have planned a surprise getaway at a local hotel. Dinner, time together, talking about ANYTHING but rape. Honestly, sexual relations left our life years ago with the cancer damage, but intimacy is so much more than sex. So I want a weekend of just holding his hands, feeling his arms around me, going for small walks, sharing a glass of wine, and treasuring the time we have together. The rapist stole alot from me in just 28 minutes. I feel he reached in and stole my heart and soul, but I will NOT let him steal one more minute of the precious time I have left from with my husband. He doesn't get that. That's ours. Ours to treasure. Time he can't take from us...and true, devoted love of 30 years that such an evil man will never know in his lifetime.


The rape changed me forever. It has taken so much. Now I'm fighting to hold on to what is mine....and what is mine is my incredible, supportive, loving husband and best friend. And this weekend, is just for him.

Betsy



This breaks my heart. I'm so glad you have prior knowledge to know what to do for yourself to survive and move forward. This get away sounds so precious. I hope you are able to continue to seek support and move toward a better place.

Enjoy your weekend of wine, walks, good food, and intimacy.

Take good care.
your story is so horrible. I am a single women and my attack happened only two weeks ago also. the marks on my body have healed well almost. I was on holiday when it happened. I hope you and your husband can enjoy you trip away and each other.

take care
Betsy,
crying and smiling at the same time. Tears for you and so much sadness at what you had to go through and what that pig did to you. Sadness that your husband is so ill. Sadness for your clients to some extent also because I have been at their end when I was in a space where I could not understand why a therapist would take time for themselves and just felt abandoned. Smiling because I believe you are right in that there is value in them seeing you take care of you... maybe they will more value taking care of themselves. Smiling because you refuse to let what happened take another second from your husband.

I know it is not easy. You inspire me so much by your moving forward, by your strength and courage. Enjoy your holiday, make more wonderful memories with your husband. Take gentle care,

Lolli
Betsy, I am so sorry for what you have gone thru. It is amazing how in just a short time (although feels like forever) can forever change your life! I admire your courage to fight for yourself and move forward with prosecuting. I did with mine and it was very, very difficult, but in the end, I am so glad I did. I hope you had a good time away with your husband, he sounds so supportive. Take care.

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.