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So yeah. I have no idea what is going on.

Posted by SilverandBlue , 30 January 2014 · 119 views

Let's see if I can accurately portray how I feel right now using emoticons...
Posted Image-I have an amazing boyfriend, and he makes me giggle because he does things that are just so darn cute :)
Posted Image-My memory of 2-8th grade is so screwed up, what is real and what is not??
Posted Image-today in therapy. Loong story. Very bad session and I wanted to hide but couldn't
Posted Image-like wtf is up with my PT not getting back to me after 2 weeks?? does she hate me??
Posted Image-my grandma and brother now both have cancer. and now my dad might. wonderful.
Posted Image-mad at myself for acting like a baby in T today, mad that I hurt, mad that I might lose beloved family members. mad that people seem to be so annoyed at me right now.
 
Let's see if now I can translate and put it all together. This is for my own sanity and mental well-being :D
 
I have an amazing therapist, let's start there. I usually don't have a problem with her, but today was so bad that i want to just curl up and bawl. it felt like such a waste of a perfectly good hour! I realize she has kids and is dealing with them, and I honestly understand, and it has never bothered me before, but today I wished her kids would settle down and go to sleep!!
Like seriously, she makes me hot cocoa when I come in all shivery from something, is so patient with me, and seems to truly understand. So why does it randomly seem like she is annoyed at me?! Posted Image Today especially, I think I really freaked her out, and she doesn't get freaked out! And she didn't tell me to "hang in there, kiddo" as I left, which is a small thing, but still comforting, weirdly enough. I think she was distracted today by the new therapist for her kids upstairs. I can't blame her for that.
 
Also, I got a text today informing me that lumps had been found on my dad's head that are possibly cancerous. This means immediate removal and biopsy. I can't deal with MORE cancer! my brother already is dealing with lung cancer, and my grandma with liver cancer. I can't lose even more family members either! Besides, I don't know what my aunt would do if grandma died. Her sister just committed sui this last summer and that was hard to deal with.
 
So these recent memories, are they real? are they just made up? I don't know, but if what I thought was a one time thing was actually a long term, multiple years thing I will DIE. Mostly from the absolute embarassment of it.
 
Just overwhelmed right now. Going to yogify and call C. He can always comfort me :)
 



SilverandBlue, I'm so sorry about your Brother and your Dad. That's really, really hard. As to the authenticity of your memories, I am not in a position to tell you for sure. But, there is some research on the matter you may be interested in. 

 

http://dynamic.uoreg...raumatalks.html

 

As you can see, there is a wealth of information on the subject. Despite what the False Memory Syndrome Foundation says, repression absolutely does exist. Is it possible you have false memories? Well, I'm not a professional, but it doesn't seem very likely for most people. Jennifer Freyd's parents invented that organization after they themselves were accused of molesting Jennifer.

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SilverandBlue
Feb 04 2014 10:09 PM

Wow. I went to the FMSF page and am so disgusted and horrified that people are allowed to create such a "foundation" The only people who can support such a thing have something bothering them.

 

Thank you for your input and link, I do appreciate it :)

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whodatninja
Feb 05 2014 08:35 PM

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