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Peace and anxiety - fighting for control

19 May 2012
Posted by Reenie565 
This is strange, and new. I feel calm and peaceful, then filled with anxiety, then peace comes again. I'm taking this as a good sign, a sign that there is peace beyond the fear.

I have accomplished more today than I've been able to do on most Sat. But I'm afraid to push it because I feel the anxiety just below the surface, waiting to strike. I feel it now as I write this. There will be a price to pay for the calm beginning of the day. There will be a return of the fear and self doubt. But for now, I'm fighting to hold on to the peace, I'm fighting to keep breathing slowly and keep moving forward.

If I could do what I should do today and get through all the errands and chores, then go to a family BBQ without a full on panic attack, it will be the 1st saturday in months that I've acheived this. To be normal, if I can only have this one day to feel normal, do normal everyday things.

Deep breath. Hold on. Don't let the anxiety win.

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This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

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There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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