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SoÖ last night, I thought I would do something a little crazy. I decided to accept a little job at singing in the pubs Ė what I didnít know is that I would be on stage in front of hundreds at a charity event. Panic, is not even the word to describe what was going through my head. I just wanted to be sick! Though, the amount of alcohol consumed and loud fireworks and fairground rides made me sound just about tolerable. After a horrendous rendition of Titanium and some awful guitar playing and almost knocking some poor guy off the stage Ė it was over.
Now, I donít drink. I know I canít handle it. At university, people think this is hilarious. I joked to my boyfriend that I just wanted to get absolutely plastered so I wouldnít remember what I subjected people to. So, what happens? I have my drink spiked. Usually, I am so careful with things like this even with soft drinks. Iím bordering on paranoid.
I hate not remembering things and being out of control. I remember being in a bar and seeing this guy who a while back broke my nose. I can honestly say I have never moved so quick in my life. Needless to say, I was escorted out by two lovely bouncers and taken to the even nicer police patrolling the streets. After being cautioned and told to go home, my head thinks, Great! Letís go another bar! Somehow in this process, I lose my keys, phone, purse and a shoeÖ
What a state.
My boyfriend now cannot stand to be near me when this drunken angry alter ego appears. I refuse to leave with him and stay with his friends who I donít even now. Thinking what a great idea table dancing is. Stupid me. I now have no idea what happened. I have a bruise on my face and have a brief memory of ĎSupermaní putting me in a taxi with his cape.
Having now found money in my one shoe, I pay the taxi but tell him completely the wrong address. I remember being so angry at him because he kept telling me that there were no houses here and I couldnít possibly live anywhere near here. Obviously, angry me thought better. After paying him I must of dropped all my remaining money on the floor. The poor taxi man who was trying to be helpful shouted and started following me to give it back. My head flittered into complete panic. I thought the worse. I ended up running and ended up in the place I was R-d.
Next thing, I have woken up in my bed to have another panic episode. My boyfriend has come home from work with scratches all down his face. I feel such a monster. He told me I had come in hysterical and having a panic attack. Completely white. He spent most of the night awake trying to calm me down. I didnít recognise him at all which made him annoyed. He was worried that my heart beat was racing but put it down to the panic attack.
When it didnít stop, we drove to A & E. I have been given a lecture in binge drinking and illegal substancesÖ All is fine and well. My boyfriend doesnít believe that I was spiked and Iím still in the dog house. Understandable, I suppose. I have cuts all down my shoulders but I know that was from a fairground ride. I can honestly say it was nothing else, my boyfriend now thinks I am cheating on him.
Just something I never ever want to repeat. I donít know how I could ever have done it, Iím so angry and disappointed. So much for my mini triumph of facing my fear of crowds and singing :bawling:/>/> .