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I had a body memory last night and tonight. I'm mad that I got hurt. It's such a waste of time. My body pain won't respond to ice, heat, or meds. it responded to meds a little.
I don't enjoy healing. I'm tired of hurting. It makes me sick!
I want to put this issue to bed.
I haven't showered since inpatient last week. I'm still depressed.
I can't focus on reading, so am listening to an audiobook.
I don't enjoy healing. I'm tired of hurting. It makes me sick!
I want to put this issue to bed.
I haven't showered since inpatient last week. I'm still depressed.
I can't focus on reading, so am listening to an audiobook.
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feedback appreciated; feel alone and scared
on Oct 24 2011 08:58 PM
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You are not alone. I recently took a job that so many people told me was probably "the hardest thing you will EVER do." I always wanted to swear at them (and did snap once and swear at my adviser). I wanted to say, "until you have been through the healing process of what I have been through, you have NO idea what hard means." Healing is probably the hardest thing you will ever do. In my experience, it seems to never end (yeah, I'm not there yet). It gets better and then it gets worse again.
I have two things that I have had said to me that I think are worth sharing. The first is that healing is not a linear process. You don't start in one place and gradually get better. You start in one place, you get better, you relapse, you take a step forward, you take ten back. I often find myself saying, "what's the point?"
This is where the second thing comes in. You are worth the time and energy it will take to heal. You have reached out for help which shows that you have both the will and the strength to live and to heal. There is nothing wrong with audiobooks and you will shower when you feel ready. Take your healing at your own pace. You know what is best for you and you can make the best choices for you.
I too struggle with depression. It is scary. The emotions you are feeling are very real. I hope you find the support you need. You deserve the best.
-Vis
Like -Vis said - You are NOT alone! What you are feeling is normal. I know you are sick of "everything" and just want to heal and be okay! I'm going through the same thing! Hang in there and just take it take day by day! Don't beat yourself up and just do what you can and know that I care!!! You have friends here that care about you and we are all in this together!
selaine