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Given I haven't been sleeping, I decided to take a nap. I had a really bad nightmare. I was sitting in my living room with my family, my T, my two best friends, and my dogs. We were just sitting and chit chatting. All of a sudden, my front door burst open followed by too many men to count masked and carrying military guns. They shot everyone including my dogs. They began to laugh and to tell me that I should have listened. I should have kept my mouth shut. Then one of them, whom I recognized-my ex, took his gun and hit me across the face with the butt of his gun. That's when I woke up.
I have been shaking and crying ever since. My stomach is in knots. It seemed so real. I feel so terrified. My only comfort is that I came out and my family is alive and well. My dogs are too. I am so afraid to lose them. Afraid to lose my T. Afraid to lose my friends. God I feel sick.
I have been shaking and crying ever since. My stomach is in knots. It seemed so real. I feel so terrified. My only comfort is that I came out and my family is alive and well. My dogs are too. I am so afraid to lose them. Afraid to lose my T. Afraid to lose my friends. God I feel sick.
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That sounds like a horrifying nightmare. I hate those nightmares that feel so real that when you wake up you need to run through all the reasons in your head why it did not actually happen. It sounds like you are living with a lot of anxiety right now, which I know is really hard. I'm sorry you are feeling so upset. Can you think of some things you can do to ground yourself a little right now, whether that be going for a walk, having a shower or a bath (if that isn't triggering), watching a light movie or TV show, or something else that can engross your mind for a little while, instead of this nightmare and your fears circling around and around?
Take gentle care of you,
Kate
LGF
Mostly, just want to say I hav ebeen wher otu are, and it gets better when you find tools that work for you. Keep seeking and you will find them
Thank you for responding. My T does EMDR with me. I do know it has helped me through some really yucky stuff.
I have been on youtube looking for meditation stuff. The last time I did some meditation via youtube, I had a TERRIBLE night I was very highly triggered. A little wary about trying it without proper guidance and safety of someone who knows me and the things I have dealt with.
Thank you again. I appreciate you taking the time to read and then post. Means alot.
LGF