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I'm a mess

Posted by goddess , 11 June 2013 · 176 views

I'm a mess, as old as I am, he's still ruining my life or at least parts of it. He's been in prison was supposed to be paroled but something happened and they decided to hold him until his release which is supposed to be within the month. I called today to find out exact date and they told me there were problems with the system (such as she had down release for today) and she would call me back. Still waiting and worried-what if he comes after me or worse my family? He's old now too but I am so freaked even if it is just to trash my name because I live in a small community and a lot of people know who I am. I don't want to be "that girl" or want people to know the things I did.

And recently I've realized that although God is important in my life- I am a Christian. I cannot trust Him with my kids or my life. I have to have control. He didn't protect me as a kid not even from people who are "called" by him so how can I trust that He will not let anything further happen to me or worse my kids. I don't know what to do about this new realization.

All I know is this sucks. :bawling:

Jun 13 2013 03:16 PM
It's terrible we will never forget what happened to us No matter what it was it was traumatising.

As a christian I can understand what you are going through . Why would he let such terrible things happen to us.And it takes time to heal from that I guess. I haven't been to church for a while since the abuse. I'm trying to find where God has played a roll in what happened.

Some people have told me that he was in the room weeping for us, but that makes me a little upset because if he was there and aware of what is happening then why wasn't he able to dosomething I'm just waiting for him to reach out and help me understand.
Thanks for the understanding words

July 2016

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