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Just a vent

Posted by SFP , 25 March 2012 · 12 views

For what do I owe this atrocity to.
What did a child do to warrant such atrocity.
What can a child do to warrant an atrocity.
A child can't. A child is innocent of any wrongdoing of the wrong that was exacted upon that child.
I am innocent of any wrongdoing, utterly, completely, totally, without any doubt whatsoever, innocent, period and of story.
I know this in my mind, but when I feel otherwise in my heart, hell breaks lose in my head. Which is confusing to me because I have asked myself many times, do my thoughts follow my feelings or do I have a thought and my feelings follow accordingly. Not an easy question for me at all.
This I do know for a fact. When I look at a picture myself at 8 years old, I don't care what kind of rage I'm in, how deep my depression is at that moment, I can't look at me and say, "you wanted it, you asked for it, you should have known better" blah blah blah! I was a kid for God sake. How can I, as an adult, hold myself accountable in the least, in the F%^#%#n least!!!! I can't, no matter how I spin it, no matter how I want to beat myself down, I can't hold myself accountable. I was and am 100% innocent.



i'm glad you can see that when you think about it rationally. it's not an easy thing to remember, is it..
Just keep saying that over and over again to yourself. You're amazingly strong for at least recognizing when you're being too hard on yourself, letting that monster take over in your head. We all have that monster, and I've been struggling with this lately too.
Rational thinking, what's that?
Would that be something like not letting that monster take over in my head? haha
Just wanted to say thanks for reading and that I liked reading what you had to say.
So thank you Pink and Scouttt.
I just learned where to send a note of appreciation.......right here, I think.
Or should I send it in PM? I don't know, still learning my way around this place. There are so many rooms to this mansion!

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