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Taylor's Story: Hush Little Baby Don't Say A Word

Posted by Behind.My.Eyes , 06 May 2012 · 73 views

I belong here :) ive been waiting to post it because its embarrassing. Going into the depths of my trauma. This is a brief summary but take note that unedr these instances are many more. They went on my whole chilhood until we leave Tennessee.......

Im going to briefly tell you guys my story.
Trigger Warning, but here it goes.

I was raped early on in life. I was also raped by two different people. My story begins with a loving working mother and an unloving drug addict father (coke and every other drug). I spent my first 6 years in a large and nice trailor park. The first mans name is R. R had a brother and a mom and step-dad. His parents were married incestuously because theyre cousins. But despite that they were good people(right?) We spent countless xmases with them, like family. J is R's brother. I dont remember much about him. Ive blocked out memories of J and I'm not sure why.
Nobody but R knew what his plans were and what was going to happen. R was called gay by my dad and his step-dad for staying with the women and children when we were all together. R babysat for me. Everything aes. He lays me down for a nap and then exits the room. I fall asleep. But when I wake up im in bed with him. My shirts been pulled up, my diaper has a been taken off. And at first im confused and hes smiling on his side facing me. I smile back and slowly look down. He has his fingers inside me. I watch like its a slow moving car crash. Then I look out my window and how I wish I could see it better. But then next thing I know , I am. Im above. Im a ghost. I get to feel what peace is like, floating away from the pain and confusion. In the corner near my white window I float, watching the times R came into my bed...........

Im older now and we've moved to Tennessee. I was 7 years old and on my way to living in the perfect small town of Ethridge. Here is where I meet E. We spent most of our time together escaping our family. Busy moms, alcoholic fathers, far away grandparents, grandparents that werent good people. Nobody bothered us but D. I guess because we didnt know we need to escape from him too....... He made me feel very uneasy and uncomfortable. On this day it gets worse. We are all playing together this day and finally go into the basement. Either from the narrow stair case that leads into his grandmothers home or through the wooden cellar door. I sat down in an old school desk surrounded by basement smell while E stood and D shut the door. He came infront of us thinking of games we could play next and then he suggested "Doctor". E said yeah lets play. I said I've never played before whats that? E we'll show you. D pulled the mini trampoline into place while E got undressed. He was watching her as she stripped completely naked. I was terrified. I didnt know if I wanted to play and I looked towards the stairs wondering how I was going to get out of this one. Not again. Not again. It was enough for me to handle being raped for my begginning six years of life. But this too? She laid down for him and I stood frozen and confused. He palptated he vagina like a doctor would and rubbed her and it was too hard to watch. Next thing shes getting dressed and he says its "My Turn". D says " Take your clothes off and lay back so I can make sure everthing is okay down there." So I stupidly did. He did the same thing to me. Digutally raping me and then I black out. Next, I'm standing getting dressed and then blank. I dont know how I got home. D was about 15 years old. The worst part was, I couldnt save E!!! I knew he was going to rape us but I didnt know what to do I was so numb and so young... Too young for so much pain.

Im really low on words, but i wanted to say im sorry for all you have been through.. Its not fair that you were abused at all.. Please know im here sitting with you if ok..
Behindmyeyes- I'm sorry for what you went through, I can relate to your story. Sending you positive thoughts and healing energy.
May 08 2012 06:03 PM
Thank you both, words arent necessary. Just knowing people care is enough.

July 2016

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