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new memory - Sleep deprivation

Posted by Seanna , 12 August 2013 · 84 views

I just realized/remembered that during my ex's weekend parties, I was not allowed to sleep. I used to beg for sleep. Sometimes it was only one night, but I remembered other parties that went for about 4 days.... and I don't recall sleeping at all.


The memory came back today out of NOWHERE. Not even thinking about it at all, weeding my flower beds today an It just popped into my head.

:trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger:


I remembered sitting on the couch, exhausted from being abused by his friends. I was just so tired I didn't even care that I had just been R**ed. I wasn't even clothed. Just curled up on the couch closing my eyes trying to sleep in the middle of a living room full of people around me drinking while loud music played.

then it happened. I remember alcohol being poured on me. I didn't waken completely. I doubt it even phased me. Then he started whipping me with a electrical cord until I was curled up on the floor trying to protect myself screaming in pain. After I was awake enough, I remember Jay coming down to my level.... "I don't recall giving you permission to sleep". I was wide awake then. Later on, Probably hours or even the next day, I tried to sleep and was R*ped anally as a way to wake me up. I guess that was so effective that was the method used to wake me up all the time. I can't remember all of the times I'm sure, but I remember it happening at least 4 different times.... maybe it was all the same party. I don't know. I'm so confused, and when I get like this I become obsessed with it until I remember exactly how it happened.

:bawling::(

I thought I was done remembering.



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yarnfoolishness
Aug 13 2013 12:41 PM
:blanket: :cuppa:

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Nobody has the right to treat you that way. Not ever. Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing. I don't know if you know this, but it's considered torture by the UN. That's one reason why the memory can be so hard to bear.

My ex did the same thing to me. The longest I remember is 3-4 days, and yes - like you I wanted nothing more than sleep. Like you, my memory is a bit jumbled.

I just wanted to share that it's completely normal for memory to be jumbled when sleep deprivation is involved. It does really bad things to the brain. Its so bad, that it's possible your brain was unable to store those memories correctly. This is not your fault, and I hope you can find a way to be kind to yourself if the memories stay jumbled.

Please be extra kind and gentle with precious you in the aftermath of remembering.

Thinking of you kindly.
:metoyou:

:blanket:/> :cuppa:/> I'm so sorry this happened to you. Nobody has the right to treat you that way. Not ever. Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing. I don't know if you know this, but it's considered torture by the UN. That's one reason why the memory can be so hard to bear. My ex did the same thing to me. The longest I remember is 3-4 days, and yes - like you I wanted nothing more than sleep. Like you, my memory is a bit jumbled.I just wanted to share that it's completely normal for memory to be jumbled when sleep deprivation is involved. It does really bad things to the brain. Its so bad, that it's possible your brain was unable to store those memories correctly. This is not your fault, and I hope you can find a way to be kind to yourself if the memories stay jumbled. Please be extra kind and gentle with precious you in the aftermath of remembering.Thinking of you kindly.:metoyou:/>


Thank you. Unfortunately, My experience was completely surrounded by torture and mindcontrol/brainwashing. I often wondered why some of my worst memories surfaced when I'm either over-stressed or just exhausted. My Psychologist says that it's a physical trigger because I'm feeling an emotion like I did back then and it's the only time I feel that particular emotion.

Just so frustrated. everytime I think I'm done remembering and moving forward something pops in and sets me back.

I just thought I was done and remembered everything already. :bawling:

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