new memory - Sleep deprivation
The memory came back today out of NOWHERE. Not even thinking about it at all, weeding my flower beds today an It just popped into my head.
I remembered sitting on the couch, exhausted from being abused by his friends. I was just so tired I didn't even care that I had just been R**ed. I wasn't even clothed. Just curled up on the couch closing my eyes trying to sleep in the middle of a living room full of people around me drinking while loud music played.
then it happened. I remember alcohol being poured on me. I didn't waken completely. I doubt it even phased me. Then he started whipping me with a electrical cord until I was curled up on the floor trying to protect myself screaming in pain. After I was awake enough, I remember Jay coming down to my level.... "I don't recall giving you permission to sleep". I was wide awake then. Later on, Probably hours or even the next day, I tried to sleep and was R*ped anally as a way to wake me up. I guess that was so effective that was the method used to wake me up all the time. I can't remember all of the times I'm sure, but I remember it happening at least 4 different times.... maybe it was all the same party. I don't know. I'm so confused, and when I get like this I become obsessed with it until I remember exactly how it happened.
I thought I was done remembering.