Pandora's Aquarium: feel trapped. - Pandora's Aquarium

I feel like a prisoner...I've been sick for so long with no job and money so I rarly leave the house....I watch netflix and play Xbox and try to stay busy but its so hard. There is only so much you can do in a house esp after a year. Sitting doing nothing stuck here dosnt help my depression and dosnt help the fact that when I'm bored and stir crazy I think.....thinking sometimes sucks....I sit here and think of how they hurt me and if I will ever get better and be able to do something other than this nothing that's in my life now..I feel not only imprisoned in my house but in my mind....I want this all to end..I hate my life rite now....I feel like getting back into drugs to numb my pain but I can't sink that low again esp with my health. I contemplate taking the easy way out but I have my dogs, boyfriend and family and friends....do I wanna put them through that....do I wanna let my demons win?......if I ended my life I wouldn't be in pain but many people around me will...even know they are there for me and we are close I still feel alone....this dispare....I have this horrid weight on ny chest and I feel like if it gets any heavier imma suffocate...and honestly besides my boyfriend and dogs I don't know why I'm even here still.....all i know is I dont want to stay hurt and I don't want my abusers to win....why they live and me die?....I guess its part of being a survivor.