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The Exhusband/father of my children

Posted by bellachai , 19 January 2014 · 120 views

I haven't blogged much this last year.  There is some shut of valve between my brain and fingers to type.  The same goes to commenting on other's blogs even though I read them. Then I think I don't deserve to blog if I cannot comment and show support of others here.
New year new start new try. :)
This last week has been horrible for me mostly emotionally.  One of the stressors is my anger at the father of my children.  My daughter is also not happy with him.
It was me that divorced him.   We were married for 16 years and our two children were under 6 years old when I divorced him.  I divorced him because he always would say one thing and then do another,  He broke so many promises, he lied, he cheated and he was totally irresponsible with money.  We had much debt even though we earned good wages even in a expensive city like San Diego. 
I took our children and moved back to my home state of Colorado to be closer to my parents and a smaller community.  He thought that I was leaving him for another man.  What a laugh cuz I have never remarried.  I was busy raising our children who both had some health and social issues.  Although ordered to pay child support he chose to ignore that responsibility and moved from his home state of California to North Carolina to avoid everything I suppose. 
I therefore had to work two to three jobs sometimes in order to support my children.  I live in a small town which I believed would be best to raise children.  I knew I would only be earning a third of what I made in San Diego but my children were worth it to me.
So eventually I would received some child support whenever he was thrown in jail for not complying with the support orders. 
He eventually remarried four years ago to a young lady that is only two years older than my son.  At that time he owed me around $28,000.00 in arrears child support. Both my children were over 18 so the amount would not increase.  His wife saw to it money was sent every month until he fell while working and shattered his knee.  Workman's comp did not want to pay for his loss of job and knee surgery and recovery.  So they sent want they could sometimes it would only be 100.00.  It was better than nothing.  He also would send our daughter money to help her out and our son was then living with him.
Two years ago when I fell in my own home breaking my left arm and left ankle in four places my mother was paying my cell phone bill but decided she could not afford it anymore shut it off  while I was home recuperating alone with a cast and only able to get to bed from wheel chair and to wheel chair to the rest of the house pushing backwards with my right leg cuz my broken arm was not help trying to wheel forward.  Nice Huh? 
Anyway my ex-husband put me on his family plan as well as our daughter cuz she was in Wyoming going to college.  He paid for it.  Still would send what he could monthly.  I am thinking the new wife is good for him and his responsibilities.
Well what he was sending was not the amount in the support orders so a warrant for his arrest was out for him when he was recovering from knee surgery.  He and his wife asked if I would cancel the case and they would sent funds to me directly.  He had been good so I did cancel the case but what he doesn't know is that I closed it with the option to reopen it.  He sent what he could and I certainly could have used whatever was sent.
Last March he won his case against Workman's Comp and his settlement after the lawyer took the pricey fees he was awarded around $98,000.00.  He immediately sent me $1500.00 which was around the same time I was approved for disability.  He asked me if that would be alright for about 6 months until he figures out how much he will have after paying his medical bills.  I am assuming they wouldn't be too high cuz he is a Vet and all that was done at a VA hospital.  I agreed to that.
I brought the subject up at 6 months and again he put me off til after his vacation to California to see his family then onward to Las Vegas. that we would work things out.  I brought up the subject again after that and he put me off again til the first of the year.
Now I talk to him he wants to take me and both of our children off his phone plan even though my son pays for his portion and has since he got a job.  But furthermore he cannot pay me anything on the arrears child support cuz number one the entire $90,000.00 was gone 6 months after he received and he had to wait 6 months after the settlement before he could apply for disability which was two months ago so he won't be paying me anything until he either gets disability or is old enough for social security.
I see where my mistake was but it does nothing for how it makes me feel emotionally like a damn fool.  This is why my mother says and sees me as too nice to people.  Maybe so.
Blessings to all

Jan 19 2014 06:16 PM



I don't see there being a too nice.  I don't think you are too nice, overly nice, whatever it is your mother is referring too.  And I certainly don't see you as a fool, although I can understand how you would feel that way.


I see your ex as being one of those who will always take advantage of people like you.  You are genuinely nice to your core.  Make no mistake, my friend, all the blame lies with your ex.


I am here, and listening, and thinking of you.  I hope you are taking good care of your self.


Blessings to you.  :hug:

Jan 19 2014 06:27 PM

What a headache. You are no fool.... you closed the case with the option to reopen. If I were you I might tell him about that, and then reopen it if scaring him a little has no effect. But I have faith that you will figure out what is the right thing to do for you personally in this situation.

:hug: I hope you can keep writing. No one 'has' to read blogs and no one has to comment. When you comment your posts are full of compassion and insight and by not writing when part of you wants to then you deny yourself the compassion that others might bring to you. :hug: I'm so sorry about all of this. It seems so unfair. It seems as if you worked really hard to do the 'right' thing all the way along and I find it heartbreaking that you have ended up losing out so much. Sitting with you if ok.

Thank you all for your kind and caring comments.  Your support all three of you mean the world to me.


And why is you all can use the smilecons and I cannot here at the blogging area.  I cannot figure it out.  Even asked administration and they know it is a problem with some members but I have not heard if it is going to be fixed.


Anyway (((misophelia))), (((MJ))) and (((Susanna)))xx

October 2014

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