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October

Posted by bellachai , 15 November 2013 · 182 views

I am not sorry to see October gone and November started in the same theme but it has improved some.  I am all for removing October from the calendar as it is only remembrance of loss and pain   Instead replace it with Lovember as a month.  Love is the most overused yet underrated word in the English language.
 
Lovemember would be for remembering love in purity and beauty; in being loved and being loving.
 
I went to the Urologist in October.  I fear Urologists on almost a phobia level thanks to the evil stepfather.  But I went and saw and experienced and will not go back at least to the one I saw.   My Hematologist Doctor sent over all my records of the UTIs I continuously have had since July  and 5 days before my appointment.  This Doctor came in to the exam room with a clip board, one piece of blank white paper and a pen, sat down and asked me what did I think was wrong and causing these UTIs. Gee duh if I knew that I would not be in his examining room.  He placed me on , yes another antibiotic, my fifth one since July.  He wanted me to take this antibiotic for 6 months to prevent any other bacteria to grow.  Trimethoprim is the name and I will never take it again.
 
Three days of taking this drug my behavior began to change and I did not realize until the 15th day that it was the drug affecting me.  The third day after quitting it I returned back to my normal miserable self.
 
It was if I was not on any antidepressants (I take two) and was having a breakdown like I did in 2008.  I slept 15 to 18 hours a day, nightmares, My daughter and her boyfriend heard me scream in my sleep one night and I often awoke in tears.  I did not shower, change my clothes, wash or brush my hair nor my teeth.  No energy.  Diarrhea.  Migraines. I did not go anywhere.  Had SU** thoughts.  Fibro pain was very bad  I was all the way back where I came from.  This drug is also in Bactrim which I have taken but only for 3 days.  Most of these symptoms are not on the listed side effects and I doubt I am allergic to it but I do think it did interact with all the meds I already take in an adverse way.
 
My Dad has been dead two years this last Halloween.  His last sister, my aunt died on the 29th of October this year.  My mother and I weren't able to go to her funeral; it would have been a 9 hour drive and me hauling my big oxygen machine and multiple canisters of oxygen so it was not very practical.  That makes me sad.  She was very good and loving to me all of my life.  My dad is one of six siblings and I have only one Uncle is left.  That makes me sad.
 
October is a month filled with lose to me.  My dad's father, my Grandfather died in October.  My dad's oldest brother died in October when I was three years old (my daughter was born on his birthday 31 years later).  My dad's youngest sister's husband, my Uncle that I loved above all others committed suicide in October.  October is the beginning of the dead season (winter).  Just becomes white and brown. Ugly.
 
I have three vehicles parked in my property and at the end of October none were working.  Today one is working.  I have spent over 300 dollars in parts for my dad's truck that my daughter's boy friend and she said they could fix.  Well it's not and now I will have to pay someone to fix their fix.
 
We added a new addition to my mini zoo.  We decided that the monster puppy needs a companion to play with and keep him active,  He is eight  My daughter's boyfriend is the only one in the house that does not have a pet.  The cutest pit bull puppy, female.   She is so friendly and happy and full of energy.  She can be so sweet and loving.  I love her and so does the monster puppy. 
But I am sorry I allowed her here.  She is afraid of my daughter's boyfriend and sometimes my daughter as well.  I disagree with the punishments they use on her for every little thing she does wrong and spends too much time in the kennel we have in the livingroom.  I do not believe in lots of physical punishments.  I prefer gentler approaches to obtain the love and obedience of pets.  She does not run from me and is not afraid of me.  So I pay attention to her when they are not around cuz the boyfriend gets jealous of others with Ellie.  I have noticed that my daughter supervises her boyfriend when punishing her for something.  He is now using a rolled up newspaper instead of his bare hand.  An improvement.  I have already felt that the boyfriend is way too rough with out pets and have told my daughter that more than once.  The other day he and I got into it over punishment issues and I finally just got angry and said:  My house my rules and this discussion is over.  That is pretty strong words for me so he must have told my daughter cuz shortly after that she and I got into it.  She basically said that even thought my words were true I should not have said that way.  I asked why?  She only said she had been already through this with him and walked away.
 
I have not been really in the mood to speak to either of them unless I have to.  I am thinking........
 
Blessings to all



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MaybeJoleisa
Nov 15 2013 07:11 PM

I'm sorry things have been so hard for you. Watching the puppy be punished in such a severe way must be terrible for you to see. I'm sorry for the loss of your aunt, and the time and energy you lost to medication side effects as well. I am glad things seem to be looking up, at least a little, but I hope they keep getting better for you. Here for you as always.

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