** trigger for religion **
I am responding to the posting on rude an ignorant questions and comments or attitudes on the part of others that you know or in the community. This, as well as the fact of being unable to locate a decent therapist in these parts, has been my biggest obstacle to healing.
Many negative responses have come. Men in the community act like I must have liked it and treat me like a piece of meat and a whore. I give them disparaging looks or roll my eyes up and walk away or look in another direction (men hate being ignored.) One guy today just turned and looked at me fully (I didn't know him) like I must be available and cheap. I replied, "Sorry, Charlie..." I have no problem putting men like that in their place, because first of all they are hypocrites. They are putting me down and trying to use me because to them I am a whore (when I'm not a whore,)yet at the same time they are being male whores, in wanting to do it with whomever they see that might be handy. Also they are going by what they thought they saw or what they might have heard about me, rather than finding out the facts, and that is truly ignorant.
I called a friend and told her I was raped. This person has been through alot so I figured she would understand something like this. Wrong! She ridiculed indirectly, changing the subject to something innane and then her daughter got on the extension and began making mouth noise into the phone, at which point they both kind-of laughed. I said I had to go and hung up and never spoke to her again. I never plan to speak to her again. If she can insult me like that, she doesnt deserve to talk to me.
Many of the other students at the school I was attending -- a college -- seemed to believe the rapists who went around bragging about what they did and telling everyone I was a slut and deserved it (I am really a slut when I havent had sex in 13 or so years because I am saving myself for my husband.) Fortunately, the man I am going to marry doesn't believe them. I talked to him and told him they were just jealous because they couldnt have me and are trying to break us up and he believes me over them. However, for the remainder of the term (it was too far into the semester to drop my classes,) I had to tolerate the ignorant whispers, laughter and rudeness of other students convinced that I 'asked for it.' It was almost unbearable. On the bus on the way to school, demented boys would stare and make cheap passes at me and try to intimidate me. Sounds like high school, huh?
If I tried to befriend anyone, one of them would tell her lies about me and she'd start to avoid me and act like there was something wrong with me when I was around her. One girl who I took notes for, who sat directly behind me in one of my classes, and who I was kind-of friendly with began to act that way, but she changed her mind when she accidentally dicovered I was a Christian because of comments I made about Halloween costumes and it being a Satanic holiday. She looked at me very thoughtfully for a minute and was ok with me from then on, figuring out that the rumors were untrue. She even went so far as to openly defy everyone else and study with me out in the open in the cafeteria. When I asked her if she wasnt worried about what someone would say, seeing her with me, she replied, "I don't care. I like studying with my friends." I thanked her for her courage of conviction, and we continued studying.
I wrote to a friend in Dallas (an ex-pastor's wife) and confided to her about the rape, hoping for encouragement and support. Rather than offering any kind of encouragement or support, though, she stopped writing to me, point-blank. I figure, when you're down, you find out who your friends really are.
Some of the other students, to their credit, didnt change their behavior towards me at all; but they did act extremely curious about the incident, although they didnt question me directly. One woman later apologized to me, when she began to mistreat me and I put her in her place, telling her I didn't appreciate her attitude and that I was just as good as her and she had no right to mistreat me like she was. I then got up and changed seats on the bus,after telling her not to speak to me again.
I threatened to report a male student for sexual harrassment when he, before and after repeatedly hit on me knowing I did not want or appreciate his advances. When I threatened to report him, he stopped.
I did report another male student for sexual harrassment when he began to badger me at the bus stop and wouldn't leave me alone.
I don't want to cut off all of my acquaintances, but I do believe, for me at least, the best way to handle 'friends' who mistreat you after you are sexually attacked is to stop being friends with them, or report them for sexual harrassment, if appropriate, or both.
I gave alot of people something to think about at that school, I assure you. I got so tired of the mistreatment of so many of them at that school, after it happened, that I started to deliberately sit alone in the cafeteria and not associate with anyone, hoping they would get the point.