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just the money i got from the criminal injuries compensation authority
so in a way ... money my abuser earnt for me by abuseing me. im okay with that in a way as i know deep down its compensation for what he did to me
but every time i buy something .... kevin brought that for me
everytime i have a drink ... kevin gave that to me
everytime i do something fun ... kevin let me do this
its some kind of control still
ive wasted nearly 5 grand just ... wasted it ... out of rebellion almost
money i dont feel i should have
money i wish i didnt have
money that is dirty
money that is because of him
money that is a constant reminder of him
i hate it !
i wish it didnt exist
it will be gone soon but i feel so ungrateful
i know i shold appreciate it but i dont wanna do anything worth while with it
so far ....
Kevin has cleared my debt
kevin has paid for my holidays
kevin has brought me new clothes
kevin has brought my friends christmas presants
kevin has brought my cosuins birthday presants
okay so if i am responsible whats next ?!
kevin has paid for me being able to drive
kevin has put a deposit down on a flat
kevin kevin fucking kevin
its not about him but i cant see myself changing my views about this disgusting money
wish it didnt exist