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Where I am today

Posted by dragonfly218 , 09 September 2013 · 95 views

I'm feeling lost, like nothing will get better. Like I won't get better. I know that this isn't true though, it's just my depression/borderline/ptsd crap and I'm sick of it all. It's very difficult to even take my dog for a walk today. There have been times in the past three years where I've felt better and got back on track, but I always come back to this. One step forward, two steps back. I'm about to write a revised version of what happened the first time I was raped. I want to have it done before therapy on Wednesday but I've been putting it off. Part of me feels like none of this matters, there's no point in doing anything anymore, but I know that's just me minimizing. At least I'm to the point where I can point out my flawed thinking haha. It's just a strange place I'm in. I don't want to go outside, I don't want to be inside. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be around anyone. I don't want to self medicate, I don't want to be sober. It's all very bizzare. I'm not sure what it means. None of this makes sense.



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CountingStars
Sep 10 2013 11:26 AM
I know what you mean- not wanting to be alone but not wanting to be with people etc I feel like that often as well, as much as I want to just curl up in a ball under my duvet all alone, I also want someone to come find me and talk to me and take care of me. I hope it goes okay with your therapist. :metoyou:
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dragonfly218
Sep 10 2013 11:47 AM
Exactly! Thank you for commenting, it makes me feel less crazy and alone :). Have a great day.

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.