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Learning More...Sharing More?

Posted by lotus~flower , 24 April 2013 · 139 views

My boyfriend has always always been there for me. Before and after I was r**** and to this day he unconditionally supports and listens to me, and that means so, so much to me. That being said, we have never really talked about what exactly happened that night. He knows the general (who, what, where etc) but I've never gone into detail with him.

Recently I've been having some pretty vivid flashbacks of what happened to me and I'm not really sure how to deal with them. I'm a little angry at myself for not remembering these things until now (7 months later :angry: ), so I couldn't tell the detective or anyone involved in my legal process exactly what happened to me because I didn't remember. So now I have a pretty good, and far too vivid, idea of what happened to me and I'm not sure what to do about it. I have a T session in a week, and I've been writing it down, but I feel like maybe it's time to tell my BF a little more.

It's just that I know it will be incredibly hard for him to hear these things, and I don't know if he's ready, or will ever be ready, to hear exactly what happened to me. He deserves to be a part of my healing process and he deserves to hear these new developments in my story. But there's some doubt in me...and besides, I'm not even sure if I can say out loud the things that happened to me.

Maybe I'll write a letter...words always seem to come easier when they are written down rather than spoken.

It is very hard to verbalize what happened to you, I understand. Once you bring those things fully into the light by sharing your complete story with someone you trust, then the power of those terrible memories will be part of who you are, but they will not be who you are. Anything kept in the dark remains powerful, somehow bringing things into the light diminishes the power it holds over you.

I hope that you will continue to heal and to remember that this is a part of your life, but there is so much more to you than being the victim of abuse.

July 2016

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