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What are your healing ACCOMPLISHMENTS? give me at least one - you can do ir
Posted 18 September 2002 - 03:09 AM
but very specific to me, i have agreed to speak to the califonia coalition on sex offending, and share my story with them, and even have an apperance on national televison coming up. even though i am scared shitless, i'm going to do it.
and i have found the courage 7 the faith to persue a profession that does not exist, creating it, allowing myself a profession where i can just feel the pain i feel & not have to fight it.
and i have found the courage to come back here. i'm not hiding anymore.
Thank you, all of you!
Posted 11 December 2002 - 09:22 AM
Posted 26 January 2003 - 02:24 AM
1. Most importantly, I admitted that I was NOT OK, & that I did need help.
2. I broke the silence by coming to Pandy's & posted my story on another site.
3. I am trying to find a T & find a way to fit one into my budget.
4. I recognized my fantasy life for what it was, & FINALLY admitted to myself what really happened.
5. I've begun to talk to my boyfriend about it & have made a commitment to tell him the whole story.
6. I'm beginning to regain my self-confidence & my love for myself, though it is an on-going battle.
7. I'm beginning to believe, actaully BELIEVE that it wasn't my fault.
8. I've realized that I don't have to be perfect to be loved.
9. As strange as it may sound, I've come to realize that I've been hiding behind my abuse. I felt safer closed off from the world. Well, not anymore.
10.They're few & far between, but I've regained some memories.
11.I've finally placed my trust in a man for the first time in many years.
12.I've learned the true definitions of "strong" & "brave". Furthermore, I've come to realize that I am both of these things, & that the fact that I hurt doesn't make me weak.
Wow, Shell, thanks again for starting this thread. I didn't even realize I had accomplished so much until I started typing. ((((hugs to Shell & everyone else))))
Posted 03 April 2003 - 11:57 AM
I have joined a great support group.
I have begun to let myself cry when I need to.
I have turned to friends for support.
I have prayed when I felt lost.
I have acknowledged my anxiety.
I have sought out resourses wherever possible.
I have not given up.
Posted 22 August 2003 - 12:48 PM
I said no to something I didn’t want.
I married a wonderful man.
I told my husband everything.
I can go months without SI.
I’ve said out loud that what he did was wrong.
And what I did wasn’t.
I’m finding my voice.
I refused to let others tell me to ‘just get over it.’
I got angry when a friend asked me why I ‘let that happen.’
I learned to love the beach again.
Posted 12 September 2002 - 07:36 AM
Accomplishment number 1 for all of us - we made it through Sept 11, 2002.
It was a tough day for everyone. As usual, I have been doing a lot of thinking. We are always so critical of ourselves for not doing this and not feeling that or feeling this way too much. I propose that after getting through yesterday, we share a healing accomplishment - whether it was yesterday, last week, last year, or 10 years ago.
Can you look deep into yourself and see one thing that you have accomplished in your healing?
I know I can. (I will in a response)
Love you all,
Posted 12 September 2002 - 02:48 PM
ok. i'm not feeling very accomplished in the healing dept. these days but thanks for reminding me i have made some progress.
~ i have said the words: "i was raped."
~ i told my story to a counselor at my local crisis center and continue to see her for therapy.
~ i told my story to my sister.
~ i have stood up for myself when i was met with verbal abuse in response to my experiences, i have fought back and stood my ground, for the most part.
~ i told my mom i was raped.
i guess i'm getting there.
Posted 19 September 2002 - 12:01 AM
I am facing my fears. I taught myself not to fear thunderstorms. I overcame fear of the dark. I faced claustrophobia - actually more like fear of confinement. I didn't do too well, my whole body shook, but at least I faced it - that's the first step. I was able to keep from shaking when being touched.
I taught my dog to shake his head when I say "shake" (instead of giving me his paw).
I took a class in woodworking, and made a Bible box & am making other items for family members. Next project is a gun rack, already half done.
I did volunteer work at our church's school to make myself get out again.
I began to socialize with neighbors instead of staying inside the house all the time, & even held a successful "House and Garden" party when I thought nobody would come.
I made a web page to put poetry online for a woman who is dying, in need of a kidney transplant.
Gosh, in looking back, I HAVE made some accomplishments. I never sat and thought about it before.
THANKYOU for starting this string - it is definitely a healing touch.
While these do not look like healing accomplishments, to me they were because they are beginning to create a non-existant self image - so to me they are VERY healing.
I have sought counsel (but it didn't pan out). Now I'm trying to make it with help of hubby & thru internet contacts and web sites like this one. They definitely help.
I am almost ready to tell "my story" - am still trying to get courage - even in this forum it feels like I'm "going public".
I HAVE disclosed to immediate family, my minister and a couple of people on net.
(Edited by ItsMeAgain at 1:01 am on Sep. 23, 2002)
Posted 05 November 2002 - 09:58 AM
I started talking to my T about the issues with my husband. I haven't told her everything but I have hopefully laid the foundation to open up more about what is going on at home and hopefully can convince my husband to go with me.
This is MAJOR because admitting something in my marriage is wrong is enormously difficult for me.
Come on - join in. I know some of you have made healing progress recently. Don't make me name you ;)
Posted 02 January 2003 - 05:49 AM
I needed a boost so I thought I would come back and read some things that I have accomplished. It really helped. I also wanted to add...
I am now posting as me - as Shell - not hiding behind Momof2 anymore. It still feels strange but that's ok. Change is good.
It's a new year, anyone want to add?
Come on, you know you want to ;)
Love, hugs, and a Happy New Year to all,
Shell (shameless booster)
Posted 24 January 2003 - 11:59 PM
I would say mine are the fact that i have managed through every single thing to grow STRONGE and yet STRONGER from each thing. That i once upon a time ago grew to care, then like, and hey even love myself as much as i do now. That i began to feel comfortable with myself, that i KNEW it was NOT my fault, yes i will always deep down have questions and sometimes voice them but i KNOW it was not me, it was him..
That i have the ability to tell someone in my day to day life about me, and KNOW that i deserve to be treated NOT at all differently. It may have happend to me, may be a part of my life but it does NOT make me or end me, it is with me though.
That i can stand up for myself and speak up for myself even if im scared to do so, the knowledge that i AM allowed to is enough to not keep my mouth shut.
That i am beautiful, i am a good friend, i deserve love and to be loved, i deserve honesty and not lies, i deserve greatness just like everyone else.
That with each step i take, each time i share my story, each time that i share my fears, each time i say what makes me scared, each time i cry, each time i laugh, even when laughing is so hard i can not breathe, each time i dream, each time i think, each time.
As my name goes each time is just a little bit of a "Glimpse of love."
My accomplishments are great, in my eyes and heart.
Posted 13 April 2003 - 03:21 AM
i swore to myself no matter how despaired i am i will NEVER commit s*cide
i gave my knives to my boyfriend and promised i have to ask him before i ever use them (cause i dont wanna loose face i dont ask him and therefore dont cut)
i haven cut in almost 4 years
i quit smoking pot and even cigarettes
i have big plans for life and all of them are possible:
i wanna go to italy and australia, i wanna go back to america and finally see the westcoast.
i wanna drive a car that has no ceiling once
i want to ride a horse again
i want familly and kids and still work. and my boyfriend dreams the same dreams
i want to be professor of theoretic computer scince and have good chances to get that job one day
oh yes, and i wanna smile tomorrow and day after and so on...
i learnt ways to deal with depression
i learnt to keep the apartment clean enough so there wont be another invasion of bugs
i take showers and sometimes spend hours in bathroom to do nice things with my body (nice oil, shaving, take a bath)
i really begin to believe that im beautifull and was alway so.
i made peace with my mom (who knew about a*use)
i can go to my basketball trainer now and say: i was missing because i was depressive -- im depressive sometimes because im an csa survivor. and guess what he just reacted fine
i begin to learn that when i want friends i cant just wait someone comes to me but i gotta talk and call people and have ideas what one could do.
i begin to think about religion though i havent made up my mind yet.
oh yes, i play wheelchair basketball 3 times a week and play in state-division. i have lost more then 40 pounds since then and i can walk 4 times as far.
even though all the doctors said this was a bad idea i made up my own believe, went there anyway and feel better now.
i lernt to trust myself some more.