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Posted by bellaroo , 17 May 2013 · 74 views

I feel soooo absolutely horrible. I feel like I am such a burden to patti and rick. Theyve told me they love me...but about a week ago there was a HUGE fight and I felt like complete shit..I didn't understand it at all and tonight I was trying so hard to understand everything but he didn't feel like talking...I should've respected that and left it at that but I got upset because I want to let my guard down again...but until I understand I can't let it down. I want so bad to understand everything... but I just was frustrated that it wasn't being explained to me. I guess I'm so used to people talking to me that I just shut down...all I wanted to say to them was thank you for helping me so much and apologize for all my issues that seem to be coming up. Im learning how to feel and this is sooooo weird I can't explain it I so I have no clue when I'm pushing someone away or bringing them closer... I know talking does wonders for everyone...I need to switch gears in my head so I can understand the people around me and stop hoping the people from the past will some how magically show up. I'm sorry for being stubborn..I'm sorry I'm not used to all these emotions all at once...its so overwhelming. Not to mention the terrible new memories I've been experiencing. I feel like I'm in the way..I feel like a problem...I feel awful :(

Hugs to you ok you are not a problem hun you are doing your best to heal h ugs

July 2015

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