i believe i've been regressing. i've had so many ups and downs lately, but there's a lot going on. but i keep thinking about what happened. i remember that night when i got home, my mom was so mad at me. she said it was my fault because i didn't scream. she said she was right upstairs and would have done something if she knew. my mom has always been so caring and supportive that it really upset me to hear that, but she and the legal system did absolutely nothing. i think about him every day, and i bet he never thought twice about what he did. he's probably spent the the last four years thinking that it was just sex with an incooperative fourteen year old. i bet he doesn't wake up in night terrors. i bet he doesn't have panic attacks on a daily basis. i bet he doesn't think he did anything wrong.
but i have other things i need to worry about. i need to find a new job, i'm starting school again soon, and i'm expecting a little one, which is fortunately with a great guy. i just can't worry about this, too. people are like, "don't even let him occupy your mind." like i let him stay my head, like i want him there. i think that anyone who has been through it understands. ugh. i guess i just needed to vent.