My ex husband / abuser is a bi-polar psycho man.............
He's been playing this cat and mice game with me once he found out I was going to visit the area in which he resides. I however have my daughter close by there and I am visiting her for a while. He EXPECTS me to come see him that if I don't it shows I don't love him and demands I show him that I do love him and If I don't I catch hell for it all day. His guilt-trips are above and beyond what I have ever experienced. So monday - friday is the pattern basically. Contacting me and mentioning I have to start "showing him" that I love him etc or else basically.
He demands I show him caringness, love etc but he won't return it. He texts me that I am a bi polar bitch to never contact him again etc. Its the weekend so this is how he gets when he hiding other women etc.........in which I DO NOT CARE! I mean YES it bothers me, but I am not showing him I care. I have to learn not to let him control me as he does.
When HE wants me to be or act a certain way I best do it. If I ask for same thing then he turns it all on me, but he doesn't practice what he preaches to me is the frustration I feel. It is okay if he does wrong but not me then he says I act like I am miss perfect in which I actually DO NOT because I have no self-esteem! my abuser took that and I am searching for it once again.
I let him SUCK ME IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH~ I get so dam angry at myself.
Then when it is convenient for him, HE treats me like shit, yet texts later to say he LOVES ME............this is just not appropriate behavior, is it? I mean, to me it is nutso!
Now today he is ignoring me so far (thankfully) but he is such a liar, cheater, womanizer that I feel sorry for his next victim, wife, girlfriend. He is charming, very very very good looking with a great job, house, cars, etc....but he is not what he claims he is at first. After a while, if any resentence from doing what he commands, boy oh boy, I feel sorry for that person. AND I WAS that person! He is evil, but charming.
I seem to fall for his shit, calling me the pet names he used to that i missed yet didn't tell him that. Wishfully I wish he would change for himself and admit he is a drug user, abuser, needs serious help. But I have to FIX myself now. I really do. I let him keep sucking me into this bubble he lives in and it is just causing me so much difficulty funtioning each day.
I had to vent a bit. I am just so lonely, alone and hated yet loved (depends on his meth mood)by a man who is incapable of love or intimacy of any kind. Unemotionally unavailable and strikin with a toxic family and his life he leads and lives under a M A S K~