I recently started writing about my abuse by my uncle, this has opened alot of issues and wounds. I am in therapy which is the good side but now I am wanting to quit again. I agreed to go back because I started having thoughts of suicide alot again. My husband or I did not trust me, so here I am again, back in therapy and taking medication. There are so many thoughts in my head that I do not know what to do with, some days are good and then they can change in a split second. I wish I can make it all stop and go away. Lately I just want to wake up and not remember anything. If ignorance is bliss I would like to try it for a week.
I just wish I could make it stop, constantly thinking about the things my uncle did to me when I was a little girl and now new memories. But my thing is I went and revealed it a friend/coworker, now I want to take it back. The feeling of being too exposed and out there feeling completely alone. She read my stories but I don't feel better. I can't vent, I still can't voice it. It feels awkward, yes she made the same statement that everyone says "if you need someone to talk to I am here". I don't believe that, it is not fun to talk about and people live in their own bubbles, I just try to be the fun laughing me. Even though I am screaming and crying on the inside all the time.
I wish I could forget, I wish I did not feel like a broken adult. Who is still running around trying to make everyone else happy and comfortable. When do I get to be comfortable and really happy????? :confused:/>