needing a friend :(
anyways, back to my friend....every time i tell her something about my ex (like i was nervous when he was getting out of prison, off parole....etc) she just blows me off and tells me there is absolutely nothing to worry about. maybe it comes from the years of crap i put up with...the stalking, the lies, the anger...the showing up wherever whenever bs. i thought she would have more sympathy for me after she went thru something similar for months...but i guess she thinks her man moved on...mine BOUND to have after 10 yrs. but i just don't know. for a long time, i thought he had, too.
but i know his rage...i've witnessed it. i don't think he's would try to hurt me maybe, but i know he wants to control my daughter...the youngest. it's so scary to think he did something to her and that i was there and i know i tried to protect her every way i knew how...but was that ENOUGH??? did i actually keep her away from him? or did he get to her anyways?? it tears me up. my daughter says she doesn't remember, but i know how she is....she would do anything to protect me or her sister. she knows i would probably flip out beyond anything i ever had before if she told me he hurt her in any way.
i know i'm rambling and i hope it makes sense. my ex is suppose to be getting off parole soon and BOTH my girls have told me they would rather him know where they were because if he can't get in touch with THEM, he will come to me to find them. i wish i had someone to talk to...who just wouldn't brush off what i say. he only intimidates women. he is pretty much a wimp, or USED to be before prison..who knows now. but he sure does have his reins on me still. i won't hardly leave the house...everyone thinks i'm weird cuz i look over my shoulder all the time. i know he's there...somewhere. it was great when i KNEW he was locked up. i could finally breathe.
i'm not obsessed with my ex. i'm really not. i know it may seem to be...i'm just scared he will try to destroy everything i have because he thinks i did that to him.
sometimes i can put him in the back of my mind for a while...but something triggers me...a smell, a truck that looks like his, a guy that hangs out at my mom's house that looks soooo much like him i can't even talk to the man.
it's been several years since i've seen him. the last time was in court a couple years ago, i think. child support hearing. he was still trying to intimidate me there. he flipped on his atty telling him he would NEVER GO ON PROBATION AGAIN! he is evil. i just wish i could go away from this stupid town!!! ugh. i'm stuck in this damn place forever unless i just give up my house and move.
sorry for the rambling...just need to get some stuff off my chest.