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Feeling messed up

Posted by Evie03 , 20 June 2012 · 56 views

OMGosh, i feel so messed up today. i know i have BPD(border line personality disorder) but today just feels like too much. so many emotions floating around, and shoving themselfs in front of my brain. its making my head hurt. my heart hurts, and i know i have to tell my sister what happened to her (SA) but i just dont know how. My T was talking to me today about how to tell her, but when i tried to say the words i nearly threw up and then ran. its gunna all go down on monday. that is when i tell her and everyone gets let known what is happening.

i feel so alone and messed up. just this piece of crap that has been thrown aside and stepped on so many times why would it stand up for itself?theres no point. if everyone else sees me like this why am i even bothering to try and stop it from happening again? i know no one else should be in danger, but sometimes i just feel so lost and dont know how to find the strength to do this.

my support person during the interviews said she was amazed at the strength i had for telling my story. wish she could see me now, or even how i see myself. just this broken shell who isnt even a person.

Evie, please don't be so hard on yourself. You ARE strong, never doubt that. We all have days or time periods where we feel low and maybe a little lost. (I'm in that place myself right now) But no matter how bad things are at times, inevitably they always get better and they will for you too.

You are a beautiful strong soul, you're just in pain right now. But please remember that it's through the difficulties in life that we face that our souls grow and we become strong. It's through pain and struggle that we learn empathy and compassion for others, so in time the pain you feel will be transformed into something you can use for good. Think of it like a protective shield around you.

Sending you strength anf positive energy :hug:

May 2015

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