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I am a woman afraid of other women

Posted by stronger98 , 06 March 2014 · 102 views

I am a woman afraid of other women

A Handful Of Women Have Wounded Me Harder Than Stones

Have Put Me In Pain Sharper Than Swords

Have Humiliated Me Beyond Space.

Have Betrayed Me.

Have Terrified Me.

Have Taken Away My Trust.

Have Sexually Abused Me Dozens Of Times.

I Am A Women Who Is Petrified Of Being Around Other Women.

I Don't Hate Women, (Being One Myself) I Just Feel More Comfortable And Less Intimidated Around Men.

Any Other Ladies Out There Feel This Way?



Unfortunately, yes. Even though my physical and sexual abuses were at the hands of men. My mother hurt and damaged me the most, emotionally, mentally, the abuse and neglect, the destruction of my ego. And I made bad choices with women in my life well beyond the point when I learned who the good men and bad men were. I still barely trust myself when it comes to choosing women to be friends with. I have good women friends, but I have been hurt and betrayed as well by others, far into my adult life. One thing I like about Pandys is that I know the women here are compassionate, caring, and not judgmental. It feels safe. I think it's helping me learn what to look for in women in the real world, and what to avoid.

It doesn't help that social culture and media often doesn't show women having awesome positive relationships. Instead they are shown competing and catty at each other over men.  That's what happens when we are often reduced to our lives being told in stories that are really about the ways in which the men in our lives add or remove value.

 

It's tough.  

 

The behaviors trickle into the lives of women, and for this reason I don't have many female friends.  I just can't deal with being vulnerable when I feel like I will get gutted.

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whodatninja
Mar 06 2014 12:23 PM
I don't trust either sex. men were physically and sexually abusive and violent to me women were emotionally cruel and manipulative. at this point I can take a beating (bones heal bruises fade) but I hate gaslighting. it's hard for me to function because I don't trust anyone. I constantly have to check if the other person is using me or manipulating me. I don't understand society at all and keep missing cues -_- I wish people were more honest...

stronger98 please look at yourself in a mirror, tell yourself you love and care for yourself and always will and give yourself a cuddle, tell yourself your special because simply you are, you are a woman and the women that hurt you are not the ones around you now, constantly remind yourself of that, and yes, people can be honest but look to yourself for true honesty.

 

I care about people, they did not care about me when I was young so I have trust issues with my feelings also, I will get over this someday.

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yarnfoolishness
Mar 06 2014 05:27 PM

I can relate to this.  I'm not afraid of other women exactly, but I'm slower to trust women in general.   I think I'm like Lua in many respects.  I've learned what to watch for in men, but it's been much harder for me to learn what to watch for in women.

 

Sending good thoughts.

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intrepidshe
Mar 10 2014 08:13 PM

I also struggle with trusting women. Somehow women are just more risky than men. I have been SA'd by both females and males. But, I'm more nervous about letting women be close to me, especially physically.

 

I like HealingMe's advice.

 

stronger98 please look at yourself in a mirror, tell yourself you love and care for yourself and always will and give yourself a cuddle, tell yourself your special because simply you are, you are a woman and the women that hurt you are not the ones around you now, constantly remind yourself of that, and yes, people can be honest but look to yourself for true honesty.

 

I care about people, they did not care about me when I was young so I have trust issues with my feelings also, I will get over this someday.

[quote name="intrepidshe" timestamp="1394503983"]I also struggle with trusting women. Somehow women are just more risky than men. I have been SA'd by both females and males. But, I'm more nervous about letting women be close to me, especially physically.
 
I like HealingMe's advice.

I Feel The Exact Same Way. I Have Been Sexually Abused By Both Men And Women But Like You Said Women Feel Much More Risky. The Locker Room Had Always Been A Challenge For Me. All Throughout Middle School I Basically Used The Bathroom To Change For Gym. Two Of My Were In My Gym Class. So The Fear Of Them Sexually Assaulting Me Again Was Always There For Me. The Idea Of Getting Naked In Front Of Them Scared The Living Daylights Out Of Me. Thankfully One Of These Girls Goes To A Different Highschool And One Isn't In Gym With.me
I Like Healings Advice Too :)

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