What's the point... slight trigger warning
I've been having such dark and hopeless thoughts lately, and I can't seem to snap out of it. I feel so self-destructive, and I'm hurting so much inside. I've been having more panic attacks, and I just feel like I can't cope very well. I'm so alone, and so tired of struggling. Just tired of being worried, sad, afraid, and hurt all the time. I feel as if I've failed myself by allowing my weaknesses to win. I feel like I walk around with a protective shield around myself so that others can't hurt me, but then I hurt myself far more than anyone else ever could. I struggle so much with feelings of self-loathing. When other people try to hurt me, I'll usually fight back, but then once I've succeeded I turn around and destroy myself. I don't understand what the hell is wrong with me.
I don't even know why I want to hurt myself so much, or why so many bad images come into my mind. I know I'm a good person, and that I shouldn't hate myself so much but I can't help it. I'm so very tired.