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Posted by Dark_and_Dead , 30 November 2010 · 44 views

Being in another country away from my support network of friends is incredibly hard. I feel like I am living in a fake world at the moment..this big happy face and bubbly personality and then at night just crying and SI.

I hate having no one I can trust and who I feel understands me or judges me. I finally reached out to a online crisis line last night who have been emailing me ever since but its not helping. I vent then they kinda just put what I said into other words which just makes me even more upset when I read it.

I duno what I am ment to do. No one wants me around them, people here are only putting up with me cause i am being fake around them but I am at breaking point it isnt going to last much longer.

Ive had it. I am over life. Why carry on when I am living a lie here and in a huge amount of pain or when I go back to NZ I have to go to court cause my aunty has draged me into testifying against my uncle who SA me, and then get locked up in PTSD treatment centre both options are not really options for me.

I have nothing to be alive for.

Hello, I've just read your post :) I know exactly how you feel, I was SA when I was 13 and 14... when I was 14 it was also my uncle. I felt so alone when we moved to australia. So fake, no one knew me. I was dark and broken when I was alone. I felt like giving up and letting go all the time... I know that life really sucks right now and I'm going to be completly honest, it's going to suck for a while. But the reason you should live is... dont let that person who SA you...don't let them win. They wanted to have power of you, don't give them that power. You win by loving yourself, you win by living.
Just to let you know my name is Sakura, if you ever want to talk :) (Im also from NZ)
Take it easy
Kia Kaha xxxx

July 2016

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