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Getting my life back on track terrifies me, what if I can't manage. It's easier being broken, that way no one can criticise me because I do it myself. I feel guilty for not feeling great all the time. I know it's a process but I feel I let people down, that people are going to be sick of me not being better. I'm talking to an old friend more and she has been lovely but I'm still scared of her judging me. Dad just phoned me, I said yes to going out to my Nana's at the weekend. I'm scared I haven't seen them in so long. When everything was shit at school and home I'd go to her house and now I don't even have the time of day for her. I'm ashamed of myself. I have a lovely friend who I text and don't deserve, I get anxious thinking about her because I want her in my life but I'm scared she wont like all the parts of me. I have involed more people in my life recently and now I'm scared I'll let them down. I'm scared of letting Ali down ( my cpn) and getting into trouble though I know she won't. I don't feel I deserve the kind words kerri (I think) said to me. Or the help that Ali gives me. I don't deserve my boyfriend he is wonderful.