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my story/life right now

Posted by and.the.livins.eaze , 05 December 2010 · 26 views

So this post is probably going to make no sense but I need to get this stuff out. This might be triggering but i am not sure. :trigger:

So my name is Chloe. I was adopted from Mississippi when i was a baby. The parents that adopted me are the ones i am talking about, so if i say mom and dad it is the people who adopted me. My dad has been sexually abuseing me since i was 6. Both of my parents were verbally and physically abusive. Its weird i never cared when my mom took a hammer or a knife to me but when my dad would do stuff to me it would. for a couple years i have been having a weird flashback about a warehouse and it annoyed me so much because i never remembered a warehouse. Well, after stopping taking my PTSD meds the flashbacks returned and i figured out that that was were i got an abortion...i remember being in the back of his car and then being put on a (one of those things that you put stuff on to move stuff, the thing that is long and has wheels) then i went blank on what happened. I dont remember what happened for a while after that except that my dad said that i was beautiful and the best wife he has ever had. He didnt worry about my stomach or anythihng anymore like he had before. I thought i knew everything that he did to me but after telling and evidence being found it proved to me that i have no idea who my dad was. I found out that he took bad pictures of me since i was a kid and posted them on many porn sites. I saw all of the toys that he used on me. I found out so much but i cant really say anymore...he was my best friend i would play football with him and go biking or skating. i trusted him more than anyone.he hurt me so bad.

i testified against him this October and over the course of the year and so not talking to him the only thing he said was "bitch, prove it to my face."i feel so broken. I lost everything from it. my family said to my face " we never thought of you as family anyways(because i was adopted)..my godfather said this to me. My one sister blamed everything on me and wont talk to me now, i dont even knmow where she is. My other sister acted like she cared but i found out is was really only because she was going to visit my dad is jail to tell him everything about me...i lost everything.
Here are the articles that were posted in the paper:

- http://www.timeshera...1b039030895.txt
- http://www.timeshera...68964045773.txt
- http://www.timeshera...88032822076.txt

i dont even know what to say know. I hurt to bad to yah i dont know.

Foster care sucks! i hated it. I was lied to then placed in a shitty foster home that i was verbally abused even more and my bitch of a case worker didnt do anything so i ran away and was put in a mental clinic and then in another home and then a clinic and then back to the second home- i love my foster mom now but she doesnt understand any of this. I was acused in foster care of so much stuff and the agency told the families not to let me near any boys or children because i would hurt them. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldnt hurt anyone...all i want to do in the world is help people and im acused of this bullshit! i know its not true and so does anyone that knows me but it hurts to know that people thought that.

It sucks knowing that the only reason you were adopted was for sex..so i was given up, adopted, given away again, used..now im by myself...God i need your help, please!!! i hurt more than i want to handle right now. im tired of being depresed. i want to be happy. i feel like people that are abused get the rest of the shit in the world to deal with..i know some people with an amazing life, why does god deal some a good hand and others a bad one? did we do something wrong? im looking at colleges now and that people i thought i loved are no where in sight. i need to be loved i want to. i miss my mom and dad but hate them for who they are. i never thought my life would be like this but i guess that is what i am meant to be.



wow...that was really intense. I cried half way through. There are no words I can say that will make any of this better. Just know, that you are here now. I am here to be your friend. And we have all been hurt, kicked while we were down and thrown out to the wolves to be eaten alive. I only pray and hope that goodness and light fills your life from now on. I send you all the love I have in the world, stay strong xx

p.S

my name is Sakura :) x
I wanted to comment about the incredible survival skills you have. As an adopted child alone that must have been an incredible journey for you. That alone would have children struggling with where they belong. I also admire the courage you had to go through with the trial. I know first hand how difficult it is to face family and to go against everything and everyone.

There is a light somewhere for you and in the future, you will be able to make a life for yourself that doesn't include the people who have harmed you. Life is challenging and not fair a lot of the time. You have a valid argument about God and how some seem to have it easy.

You are strong enough to have come through this as far as you have. Being in this place with all the support offered here can make a difference as well as having support from people you choose to be near. I have left all of my family behind and it is quite hard i will admit, but the family I have created is worth it to me.

Try to remember that there is always someone to talk to and there is a way to move on and still be free.

If you need to talk, I am here.

Tjmom726
I read it all and all the articles regarding the trial even the ones you did not list. :tear: I cried for you.

What a brave soul you are. What courage and strength all that abuse for years then having to air it out in court in front of God, family and strangers must of taken is beyond comprehension.

You are my hero!!! but now I want to be your hero in comforting you and know I cannot from afar and in cyberspace. I will be sending thoughts your way that you find the comfort you need and so richly deserve. You are already loved.

Oh take very good care of you and many blessings to you.

July 2015

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