Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
Transcription of the following scanned letter:
Letter from my mom's boyfriend of decades and the person who molested me
Some notes about this letter:
In Chuck's handwriting (see my Gallery links above)
Chuck's perspective of what happened
Written within a few days after "the secret" came out.
I was 20 and had never told another soul what he had been doing to me from age 8-20.
Jennifer is his oldest daughter from a previous marriage. She was a teenager when my mom and Chuck (Carlos) began their affair
He mentions Jennifer "playing the harlot" when actually she ran away around 16 before he molested her
I was around 8 years old when his story begins
Jennifer (his oldest daughter) and Richard (her husband) are mentioned in the letter. We were staying with them and their 4 daughters at the time. She had just given birth to the last one earlier in the month. My mom (Bev), Sister, me and Chuck had no other place to live.
When the "secret" came out, he was asked to leave the house, but made several attempts to get to me, he stalked me and stood outside the window watching me sleep. Jennifer and Richard were very supportive during the whole ordeal.
Kevin, Ellen, Patricia and Charles he mentions are people outside of the family that he was paranoid I was letting into the "family circle"
Yes, Janice is my real name
I turned in a copy of these letters to the DA when I turned him in
Where did it begin? Maybe when your grandmother invited me to spend the night (several nights) in Bev's room at Cocoa Beach. I slept with her and you. I was put to bed there tickled her bare body there and yours at the same time, petted her and you, made loving caresses upon her, and you; as you lay beside each other and through the days, weeks, months and years as she loved me and you I love her and grew deeply in love with you. You sang a song "we are Siamese if you please" with her. And I accepted it and loved you both. When she frequently made love to me in front of you (my resistance was too feeble) she was nearly always loud enough for you to hear or made sure you knew by making some remark. Then tickling, petting, loving from days and nights to years you shared it and so did I. You loved it and so did I. Our affections grew quickly more serious as you matured. The excitement of your mound of Venus with just a touch of fuzz was too much. I had to kiss you and nuzzle you and to my delight and surprise you loved it. And I took it that you loved me even as I loved you.
At some point (I don't remember exactly when) she began sending me to your room to sleep with you when she had a headache or cramps or was tired or whatever. I was at first surprised but pleased and so you seemed to be -- and then I took it for granted! Even after she knew -- and you loved me and I loved you deeply. Do you remember the beach, those beautiful and pleasant days, fishing, hiking. Do you remember the first Christmas tree we went for in the woods? Do you remember the driving lessons and nature walks? Do you remember wrestling with me in bed in the trailer, exciting me, laughing and playing with me. Do you remember caring about my hurts and me caring about your hurts? I did and still do! Do you remember dancing for me and flashing your beautiful body before me. Indeed we all walked nude and comfortable in the privacy of our own place and enjoyed it!
But God forbid that this family circle should be enlarged to include Richard and Jenny or Kevin and Ellen or Charles and Patricia or anyone else for that matter. You and Bev and Rosie are my life. I have threatened no one, but my life has been threatened to the core. Only a dead man would not react.
I know Jennifer is offended that I do not feel the same way about her, but she removed herself from my house and played the harlot all over Brevard County. She promised to break us up 15 years ago -- now by winning you, it looks like she will accomplish it. She nearly broke my heart then. I fear this time she will for sure -- I do not say what I will do!
I know you will need a husband but is it a husband you want or the freedom to date? Is it so important that you would kill me to do it? No! They will tell you that I'll be all right! Nothing will happen! Would you really forget everything we have had to replace it with an unknown quantity? Hope springs eternal! But my reality seems doom hope to the grave!
Come my love, nourish me at your fountain. Let us be aroused together. Let the others stand amazed and my youth will be renewed for you! If you call a band of young men yes even a hundred they all together would not have the passion for you that I have! They have not known you at the root as I have. They have not known you in the bud as I have. They have not bled at your thorns as I have -- Can they steal you in your bloom? The can never know you as I have and if they steal you from me they will slay themselves for petals that are mine!
Come my love -- my staff is strong. My hands and knees tremble only with excitement. Your birthmark is ever before my eyes! I know your passion! It is pent up. Let it loose to flow upon me and it will return a flood of love upon you, enough to last a life time!
0 Comments On This Entry
Making Amends To The Person Who Molested Me
on Apr 25 2013 09:11 PM
Survivors of Incest Anonymous
on Apr 22 2013 12:43 AM
on Apr 08 2013 11:58 PM
Decision-making is Still a Work in Progress for Teenagers
on Mar 26 2013 11:11 PM
on Mar 12 2013 04:53 PM
My Friends' Blogs
2 user(s) viewing
0 anonymous member(s)