Jump to content



Posted by bellachai , 11 May 2014 · 166 views

A couple of weeks ago my mother informed me on the phone that she realized she did not like her mother  She respected her mother but does not feel any love for her.  My Grandmother was my hero as she was not afraid of the evil stepfather.  I believe she could have decked him to the ground if she had a mind to. He was a coward and was afraid of her. 
My Grandmother only had an 8th grade education and yet she became a great business woman in times not many women were business women.  She owned a grocery store and a dress shop.  She was a land owner.  She was married 5 times. She divorced three and two died.  My mother's dad ended his life in the garage.  I believe my Grandmother resented he left her in a horrible way
to raise their daughter alone.  My mother was only 3 when he died.  I believe my Grandmother resented my mother.
The only person I ever saw my Grandmother show affection for was me.  She loved me.  I was her favorite.  My mother does not know why.  My Grandmother hugged and kissed me and paid attention to me.  She spoiled me since I was first born.  I never saw her hug or kiss my mother or my sister or anyone else for that matter.
Both my mother and grandmother were emotionally distant and aloof.  My sister is that way as well.  I have to admit that my father was also this way.  Then there is me.... I am none of those things.  No wonder I always felt they switched me at birth cuz how could I have a family so unlike me.
I was the comedian.  I was the hugger and affectionate one.  I was the talker and the laugher.  What a strange life I have lived.
I can understand why my mother would not like her mother.  My mother did her duty in regards to her mother as well.  My mother always does her duties in life well but either with no emotion or with flares of rage.
I am also my mother's favorite child.  She did not connect with my sister well.  I think the reason I am her favorite daughter is cuz I caused her very little grief whereas my sister was in trouble all the time.  I also pay more attention to my mother.  My mother is very intelligent.  She could be considered an expert on World War II.
My sister once told my mother that she was very intimidating.  That is true yet my mother holds the belief she is easy to get along with and that is not true.  She has no friends.  The entire time she was married to my dad the second time she did not seek a friendship with anyone so other than my daughter, my one nephew and myself she has no one else in her life.  
Huh... I feel the same about her, my mother.  I do not like my mother as a person.  She does not know this.  My mother should never have become a mother.  No patience for children.  Alas  both my sister and I were accidents.  I respect my mother in some ways such as she performed her duty as a mother whether she liked it or not, mostly probably not.  Growing up it did feel like I was a chore to her and I felt like a burden on her.  I was sick all the time cuz the evil stepfather was violating me while she was physically and verbally abusive.  She denies she knew anything about the evil going on but I do not trust that as being entirely true.  I will never know for sure.
Here it is Mother's day.  I believe I broke the pattern/cycle of my Grandmother, my mother and my sister.  I raised my children alone.  They were never chores to me; they are an extension of my love and affection.  They were hugged every day and told I loved them everyday.  I spent much more quality time with them than I ever received.  My children have good memories of their childhood.
Perhaps this was my only purpose in this life was to break the abusive, lonely and dysfunctional cycles of my family.  My children will never have to question whether I love them or not.  I think that is a good thing.  I am okay with that.
I am glad that I did become a mother.

May 11 2014 08:45 AM

Happy mother's day to you, bella metoyou.gif

Thank you (((Untangling))) 

May 12 2014 01:44 AM

Just wanted to wish you a [slightly belated] Mother's Day, Bella. Hope you realise you are an awesome Mother, and if your "only purpose" in life was to break the dysfunctional cycles in your family, then you have achieved more in your life than most will ever achieve in theirs. Don't down-play your strengths and achievements.... :) 

 Thank you for these reflections. I hope you have had a good mothers day and that you have a joyful week.


May 12 2014 04:38 AM

I wish I'd had a mother like you, Bella, and I'm glad you were able to break the cycle.

(((Wonderland))) -  Thank you for your kind comments and support.  They mean so much to me.


Max  -  I would give you hugs but don't know if that is okay with you.   I did have a good Mothers Day.  Thank you for the flowers and your kind support.


(((MJ)))  AND I wish you were my daughter cuz you are way more special than you give yourself credit for.  You are an amazing person who I respect very much.  Thank you for your kindness and friendship.

bellachai. Hugs from sisters always welcome. hug.gif



July 2016

24 25 2627282930

Recent Entries

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.