[p_town_chick]

Sister2525, on 03 February 2012 - 10:08 PM, said:

Wow, you are all so brave. My heart breaks for you. I'm really.a.secondary survivor: my sister was the victim. She is dead now and losing her destroyed a part of me. My mother let her down and betrayed her by allowing her(my sister was abused by a girl) into our home even though she knew how emotionally unstable the perpetrator was. And when she learned the truth she said nothing. She still sees.the abuser at family reunions & she's never said a word. Instead she allowed my sister to suffer by not standing up for her. Then when one of her other family members was arrested for molesting a teenage boy, she did everything in her power to get her aquitted (this pedo was a female too and she admitted it). It makes me sick that our mom did that after her daughter's life was ruined becauss of her abuse.

I can't understand how mothers can do that. They victimize their kids all over again by not supporting them. As a mom myself, there is no way in hell I would ever choose someone else over my son. I would be willing to destroy anyone if they harmed a hair in his precious head. To me, a mother's betrayal is the worst.

[minime]

lucyjo, on 05 April 2012 - 11:08 AM, said:

I am so sorry we have all been betrayed so badly

Take gentle care
Lucy

Hello Lucy. Thank you. I'm new here. Nearly died sa few times recently and if I can say anything useful, it'd be 'make the best of what you have and try not to ruminate on the pain - don't get mad, get even - empower women. My betrayal was the police not stopping him. I was kept a prisoner and forced to sleep with him, forced marriage - and I am white and this is London - I was agoraphobic (later proved to be diabetes, I wasn't 'wrong' at all) and couldn't escape - all the doctors and social workers let me down - I was ill from age 14 - it was diabetes all along - a hormone upset- and all that time they were blaming me and my mum - no it was hormones- so I find that out when I am 48 years old?! Self-defence- very powerful is self defence and remebering blood is NOT thicker than water - I'd rather be alone forver than with the wrong person! Not difficult now I've lost my looks to age but all that happened to me was males taking advantage of a vulnerable girl - boyfriends I had were all sexist, evil, patronising so and so's. I wouldn't be saying this if I'd married for money, as I could have done. For some reason, I could never be materialistic. Instead I found me - I took up Buddhism (KOAN) found myself, and although I am sad I will never have a partner again, mostly I am happy I found me. I will never forgive the thousands who betrayed me, who harmed me so badly - I hate them all and I'm OK with that, they deserve to be hated. I'm not angry, I'm just my own judge - thinking the way a judge would - looking at it all objectively - they all deserved prison for what they did to me and mine- the lot should be locked up - but it's not going to happen - so I enjoy my art, music, TV, movies, nature and having a laugh - but nobody will get near me again. Peopel have assumed me to be a liar, they have judged me all wrong and believed the absuers over myself. I am angry and I am justified in being angry and hurt - but I don't let it steal ALL of my life, so thank you Lucy, for not saying too much, sometimes we are justified in being furious as these law-makers are all over the place and they have let us down- betrayed us - as well as 'family'. Sod them all and love to all who get where I am coming from, x

[lucyjo]

minime, on 16 May 2012 - 12:53 AM, said:

lucyjo, on 05 April 2012 - 11:08 AM, said:

I am so sorry we have all been betrayed so badly

Take gentle care
Lucy

Hello Lucy. Thank you. I'm new here. Nearly died sa few times recently and if I can say anything useful, it'd be 'make the best of what you have and try not to ruminate on the pain - don't get mad, get even - empower women. My betrayal was the police not stopping him. I was kept a prisoner and forced to sleep with him, forced marriage - and I am white and this is London - I was agoraphobic (later proved to be diabetes, I wasn't 'wrong' at all) and couldn't escape - all the doctors and social workers let me down - I was ill from age 14 - it was diabetes all along - a hormone upset- and all that time they were blaming me and my mum - no it was hormones- so I find that out when I am 48 years old?! Self-defence- very powerful is self defence and remebering blood is NOT thicker than water - I'd rather be alone forver than with the wrong person! Not difficult now I've lost my looks to age but all that happened to me was males taking advantage of a vulnerable girl - boyfriends I had were all sexist, evil, patronising so and so's. I wouldn't be saying this if I'd married for money, as I could have done. For some reason, I could never be materialistic. Instead I found me - I took up Buddhism (KOAN) found myself, and although I am sad I will never have a partner again, mostly I am happy I found me. I will never forgive the thousands who betrayed me, who harmed me so badly - I hate them all and I'm OK with that, they deserve to be hated. I'm not angry, I'm just my own judge - thinking the way a judge would - looking at it all objectively - they all deserved prison for what they did to me and mine- the lot should be locked up - but it's not going to happen - so I enjoy my art, music, TV, movies, nature and having a laugh - but nobody will get near me again. Peopel have assumed me to be a liar, they have judged me all wrong and believed the absuers over myself. I am angry and I am justified in being angry and hurt - but I don't let it steal ALL of my life, so thank you Lucy, for not saying too much, sometimes we are justified in being furious as these law-makers are all over the place and they have let us down- betrayed us - as well as 'family'. Sod them all and love to all who get where I am coming from, x

Your Welcome!

I am so sorry for the way that you were betrayed by the police for not stopping him from hurting you so badly. How horrible that the doctors did not diagnose you for so long. I am so glad that the Buddhist faith has helped you to find yourself

I think that it is really great that you are ok in feeling the feelings that you do, it is a great achievement. You are so right in that sometimes we are completely justified in feeling furious with those who have hurt us.

Take gentle care
Lucy

[honey7420]

This may trigger.

My worst betrayal came from my mother. She is an alcoholic and went into rages when I was child. Around the rest of the family she would act normal and nice, but when she was alone with my twin sister and I, we got beat, humiliated, shook, and nearly drowned on several occasions. She was so sadistic, even going as far as molesting us at night. When she was tired of being such a great mom, we went our grandparents, her parents. Her father molested and raped me for years. At night he would drug me, but when I was 6 he raped me while I was wide awake. The pain was unimaginable and I screamed so loud- later, my mother punished me for making so much noise in the basement. So I got punished and humiliated, right after I was raped. Betrayal. The memories went repressed for many years and when I was 18, I started remembering stuff. The worst betrayal is actually that no one in my family believes me or wants to help me. My twin sister moved across the country and refuses to talk about it or help me, although she acknowledged that it all happened. That could also be the worst betrayal. The truth is that all of this, everything that I have been through- like so many of you, is the worst betrayal of any kind. We deserve peace and happiness too, but there are so many people working against us. At the moment I am not dealing with it very great... I am falling back into my depression and feel hopeless. I want my grandfather to pay for what he did, I want justice. But my sister believes that is a worthless feat... so I guess I am doing it alone. Standing up for what is right is never easy, but as long as I feel my story can help other victims speak up, then my struggles won't be in vain. No one should be shamed into silence, sharing my story is the only thing that helps me now.

[Lilit]

' timestamp=, on 30 March 2003 - 12:07 AM, said:

the worst betrayel was from a guy i confided in.   I told him about my first r*pe, and he ended up doing the same thing to me years later.   <p>the second worse is when my boyfriend told me i cheated on him while i was being r*ped.   He called it cheating!  

So I am not the only one ...

I was r**ed by my stalking ex-boyfriend and the boyfriend I had at that time was so angry at me "cheating" on him so he did the same thing. He r**ed me too in his angry moments. Not only that, he stayed with me for 2 years after that, constantly blaming me for what has happened with me and the ex. The verbal torture was unbearable too. He took me the little self-confidence I had left. At the end, he broke up with me. I think his betrayal hurts me more than that of my ex.

[jmo2004]

Melanie, on 08 March 2003 - 11:10 AM, said:

For me the worst betrayal was from my grandparents. These people are my blood and yet they let the man who abused me as child into their home. For fuck sake they make him cups of tea.
I am now the mad deranged member fo the famliy because I dare to express the opinion that this isnt right.
How did i work thru it? I said fuck the lot of you.
Mel

I could have wrote this post my self. Except i haven't worked thru it.

[flowergirl51]

Can't even join in on this because of my anger issues. But, like Melanie said: "Fuck the lot of them" Whew....That makes me feel better! And, if they weren't already dead I'd pray for them to die a torturous death! Guess that's what Hell is for though. Like Groundhog day, over and over again for eternity! YAY!!!!! Fuck all the scumbag abusers... :yahoo:/> Guess you all can tell I'm not over it either. Peace, Jude p.s. and, never will....

[Mommaxfour]

This is my first post. Seems like its been one difficult summer. I was just having a conversation with my mother this was back in June. She just out of the blue says to me
"he didn't get away with it, he paid for what he did."
She was talking about my uncle, her sisters husband. She went on to say when he bought
Your grandmothers house, it cost him $10,000 more dollars.
I felt everything in me go numb. I never thought she believed me. Even after I told, I still had to go there. I was 11 when I told, stuff had been going on since I was at least 3. I only told one thing..... When that didn't work I kept quiet.
Now I find out she took money. How's that suppose to make me feel. And I wonder if other family knew. How could they do this? I am 49 now and this ones out this summer. She said it like it was a great thing. I said nothing.

[janiedeland]

The first person to betray me was the perpetrator, my grandfather, then my mother betrayed me by treating me like I was a slut/whore because it happened at 5 years old, the third betrayal was no one helped me as a child make sense of any of it, the fourth betrayal everyone swept it under the rug like it never happened, and the firth betrayal was I betrayed myself until I was I was forty years old.

[janiedeland]

Mommaxfour, on 02 September 2012 - 08:30 AM, said:

This is my first post. Seems like its been one difficult summer. I was just having a conversation with my mother this was back in June. She just out of the blue says to me
"he didn't get away with it, he paid for what he did."
She was talking about my uncle, her sisters husband. She went on to say when he bought
Your grandmothers house, it cost him $10,000 more dollars.
I felt everything in me go numb. I never thought she believed me. Even after I told, I still had to go there. I was 11 when I told, stuff had been going on since I was at least 3. I only told one thing..... When that didn't work I kept quiet.
Now I find out she took money. How's that suppose to make me feel. And I wonder if other family knew. How could they do this? I am 49 now and this ones out this summer. She said it like it was a great thing. I said nothing.

So sorry she did not factor in the price you paid, because if she though money could cover it your uncle would never had been rich enough to pay the price for what he did to you.

[Mommaxfour]

I am so sorry for you and your sister. Can't imagine how that must feel. I too, cannot understand how a parent can ignore their child. Just reading your post and the posts of others, the mothers in these situations just do not know, understand and maybe not care about the damage done. With my mother, things had to be perfect and God forbid something come out like this. Her silence on what was going on could have killed me and sometimes i feel it will.

[songstress]

The worst betrayal? Well that has to be my sister since it was her husband that raped me. She said I was a liar, accused me of stealing prescription drugs from her home, said I've been trying to ruin her life and her family, and finally that I was dead to her and that she no longer had a sister. By the way, she was my best friend in the entire world for all of my 32 yrs and I told her everything. I can't even stand to look at a picture of her now. The hurt is beyond repair. Oh and I forgot to add she called me a slut and every other derogatory name possible. I do t even know who that woman is.

This post has been edited by songstress: 17 September 2012 - 11:25 PM

[janiedeland]

The worst betrayal is the lack of trust that occurs when you are sexually abused by your grandfather. You go through life not trusting others who had nothing to do with your abuse but none the less suffer the consequences of it.

[kai]

What a meaningful thing to discuss. What a lot of painful stories. I am so sorry. I wish these stories were as rare as I once believed. I wish nobody else had to share in these kinds of pain. I wish there was no need for this board.

I wish none of us had to be here.

Betrayal for me is my mother, when I was 6, listening to me telling her my father hurt me and responding by breaking down in tears and insisting that "this can't be true, tell me this isn't true". Which, being 6 and unable to break my mothers' heart, I did. She then angrily confronted my father resulting in another night of pain because "you told her, I told you not to tell her".

Betrayal is my mother; when I was 32, just starting therapy due to flashbacks, nightmares, depression, daily thoughts of suicide; responding to my early explorations of whether I might have been abused with "I can't deal with this, you have to help me get through this" with nary a word of "how are you?, are you going to make it, is there anything I can do?"

Betrayal is my sister; when I was 33 and confided in her that I thought if was my father that had abused me, who swore never to tell. But told anyway and then didn't have the courage to at least warn me, much less to apologize, leaving me to face the wrath of my furious raging mother unexpectedly. And who then spent the next 5 years ducking for cover while my mother raged, always knowing I was telling the truth and never saying it.

And who then had the nerve to write me a nasty vicious letter accusing me of "ruining everybodys life" because I wouldn't attend family gatherings, listen to my mother call me crazy on the phone, or back down and say it wasn't so.

Betrayal is my aunt; the only one of my extended family who expressed any sympathy at all, who wrote a short note to everyone telling them that she believed me. It was a great comfort, that note. Until later that same day when I got a call from her telling me that she had just got off the phone to my mother (her sister) and could I please go commit a federal felony and steal my sisters copy from her mailbox before she got home so that my sister wouldn't read it because my mother swore that nothing had happened and was completely heartbroken and my aunt just couldn't stand to see her crying in such pain, and wasn't there any way to "compromise" on this issue?

Betrayal is my mother; who responded to my very privately revealed accusation with a very public denial, very public tears, very public accusations of lying, very public accusations of being crazy, very public accusations of "ruining the family", and who made a concerted effort to round up every member of both sides of the family into her camp, leaving me not only hurting but without a family.

Betrayal is my extended family, who let her do it without question.

Betrayal is the media, for writing articles, making tv specials, giving voice to the False Memory movement without doing any real research, without really talking to or touching on the victims, without making any attempt to determine the truth because crying heartbroken articulate parents are much more juicy of a story than their broken victims. They added validity to those whose lies were the loudest and ignored those whose truth was too painful to shout. They gave perpetrators everywhere the fuel they needed to continue their denials, the "facts" they needed to sway third parties to their sides. They helped cover up acts of evil and ignored acts of immense courage.

Betrayal is the world; where I cannot talk about my pain without being told to "get over it", "move on", "focus on your life now", "just deal". Whose attitudes helped my mother and father by reinforcing that it "wasn't that big a deal, and it was a long time ago, so why bring it back up now?"

Betrayal is my father; Who raped a 6 year old boy because he was angry at his mother and wanted to hurt her but didn't have the courage, who raped a 6 year old boy because his marriage sucked and he didn't know how to fix it, who raped a 6 year old boy because he never wanted the kids that took his loving spouse away.

Who raped a 6 year old boy because "he deserved it"

Who raped a 6 year old boy.

And finally, betrayal is my heart, where I cannot maintain a simple friendship, much less an intimate relationship, because I cannot ever trust anyone enough to let them in.

[Poison456]

This is my first post. First of all, while I am so sad for all the pain of betrayal, but I also find some relief knowing now that I'm not the only one. My father molested me since before I remember. So I have always thought of him as a bad guy. My mother on the other hand was such a great mom. She was so loving and kind and fun. In fact one of the reasons I never told was to protect her. Well she found out when I was 22 ( my sister disclosed the abuse to a counselor). At first she was full of rage and hatred calling him the scum of the earth. And it felt so good! Then just two or three months later while I was home on vacation, she had to leave to bring him dinner. WHAT?!!! And since then, she has continued her marriage with him. She says the most fucked up things sometimes. One of my "faves" is - ( in response to my saying I don't really care if he ever goes to jail, if at least he was a registered sex offender) "if he was registered, it would be do hard for him to find work and whee would he live?" really, mom? As much as being molested for years was damaging, my moms betrayal hurts so much more.