[Eye of the Tiger]

You most certainly are not responsible.

The legal system is nothing short of ####, justice is rarely served, rapists are given the weakest sentencing and they are renowned for re-offences. At best, you may be merely delaying future assualts.

I reported mine, they were found not guilty and while out on bail a couple attacked someone else.

Reporting rape may be a liberating and strong move on the part of the victim, but really doesn't have an effect on the community.

And it sure doesn't stop the scum.

[Monika]

I don't believe there is anyway that we can be responsible for the choices and behaviors of anyone but ourselves. Choosing to report is no guarantee that a rapist will not rape again. It is not a guarantee that s/he will be found guilty and pulled off the streets. We have absolutely no control over there behavior...

I have reported and am going ahead with a trial, and I hear you in that I had plenty of pressure from others about getting him off the street, protecting potential future victims and "what about his kids??" Those are guilt inducing statements, but all along I think that I knew that whatever I chose to do, it would in no way guarantee how he would make his future choices.

The legal system isn't easy to navigate. I think the only reason I chose to report was because it was my only hope in getting it to stop. I'd tried everything else known to man and it didn't work to get him to leave me alone. I was and continue to be reluctant to do this b/c I am related to this person and I know everyone that will be profoundly effected by this process. I think if he were a stranger and I didn't know him or anyone related to him it would be a hands down "oh, sure I'll report" (for me). I think the choice is more complicated when you know them, or are close to people close to them. There is this sense that somehow your actions of prosecuting are hurting all those people (even though it's not *us* we didn't choose violence *they* did. Our choice to prosecute is directly related to the choice they did, so in that vein...they brought this onto their loved ones, not us. That is so difficult to remember).

I'm long-winded--this is what happens when I'm overtired and sick ;) But yeah, we're not responsible for his behavior at any point in time. His behavior = his responsibility. We are only responsible for taking care of ourselves, and that will mean different things for different people.

Take gentle care,
Rain

[musikalrose]

 it's a bunch of bullshit to blame someone for someone else's actions...You aren't responsible for anyone but yourself. Even if you did take it to court, there's only like a 50/50 chance they'll get convicted here in the states...I have to admit though, i do still carry that self-blame around with me everywhere i go.

[musikalrose]

 I don't think it's our responsibility to stop them from raping someone else. It's their choice to do what they do, noone elses. I applaud women who put their rapists/abusers behind bars, but at the same time even if they do get locked up, they'll be out again sooner or later. I don't mean to get too far into details or too negative, but even if they did get locked up, there are a lot of people who go on offending in prisons w/even more freedom it seems. It could be though that's just what i tell myself to feel better though.